Annihilation of Souls
by Snaketooth
Summary: Alucard cannot destroy his own souls - only through battle across the infinite possibilities can he hope to destroy every soul in his body and return to his master. Follow his adventures in Amestris, battling all the monsters Father can throw at him.
1. Welcome to Amestris

Disclaimer: Property is theft. I'm no thief. Hence, I do not own either Fullmetal Alchemist, Hellsing, or anything else.

 _What a beautiful night,_ Alucard thought.

The moonlight rippled through his hair as he surveyed his surroundings. His third eye stretched out far, seeing glowing cities beyond. His fourth eye, ah wasn't that interesting. His new fourth eye looked back into the infinite possibilities surrounding him.

He sniffed the air. His new world was full of possibilities – they all were. For now, he was trapped in endless wandering. He could, if he wished, step one dimension to the left, and see where he ended up. But Schrödinger controlled the direction. That was what he had been doing – if damaged, simply step into a universe where that never happened.

 _One million, two hundred thousand, five hundred and thirty seven. That's how many left, Schrodinger. That's how many will die before your soul has nowhere to run and I win._

His nose picked up. A being like him. _Fascinating._ He could sense the faint tang of screaming souls, the scent of a being masquerading as human. 'How many souls can you slaughter before I rip out your heart? Let us see!' He said, drawing his two weapons. A leap on wings of darkness, and he was spiralling lighter than a leaf over the forest canopy.

The vampire was not hard to locate. A blast of fire lit up a clearing in the forest, and then was destroyed. The vampire must have looked horrifying to the humans below – an almost spherical creature, with a great maw bound the front of its body, spouting a series of giant teeth.

Ignoring the humans running beneath him, Alucard jumped down in front of the vampire, gleaming teeth spread wide in a grin. 'You look fun. Tell me, what do you do? Go on, I'll give you a free shot.'

The vampire roared, showing a single eye in the centre of its maw. The teeth slammed forward, and bit into Alucard. The right side of him was swallowed up into the mass. 'Well isn't that interesting?' Alucard replied. Then he fired his Casull.

The vampire fell back, screaming. 'Not a bad shot, vampire.' Alucard said, as his limbs reformed from darkness coming from his heart. 'You managed to kill three souls. Well done.'

The creature leapt forward again, but it was slow, uncoordinated. Alucard leapt to the side, replying with his Jackal. The thing screamed as its arm was blasted off, but it started to regrow it immediately, red light sparking of it.

'What is that?' Alucard heard one of the humans say. He ignored it. 'Another Homunculus?'

'So, you can survive a blessed round like that one.' Alucard said. 'You are not an unimpressive being. So allow me to raise the stakes.'

Alucard held his hands together in a square. Darkness rolled around his limbs, coming out as clawed hands, eyes hanging off every surface. The vampire stared at the display for a second, an expression something equivalent to delight. _How curious._ Alucard leaped forward, limbs stretched forward. His body was torn apart as parts of it were devoured, but it did not stop him. He smashed the vampire down, and started to tear it apart. Limbs were thrown away, only to be regrown, and ripped off again. Alucard let out a laugh as blood spilled around him. He instinctively began to bring his mouth down to bite, to taste the sweet taste of blood. But he stopped. If he ate, even a little, it would just extend this purgatory.

Instead, he brought his arm into the maw, towards this beings heart. But as he ran it through the teeth, he felt it devoured again. 'My, you are an interesting one. Now squeal!'

Alucard dragged the half broken corpse of the vampire, eight limbs grabbing it into the air. It tried to break out free, but his grip was too strong. Alucard could feel the pool of souls running dry inside the beast. 'You want me to let go. No no.' Alucard pointed the Jackal t the creatures head. 'Bad dog.'

Alucard fired. The creatures head blew apart, and Alucard savoured the feeling of brains on his face, resisting the temptation to lick it away. The remains of the body began to disintegrate in front of him, turning to small square particles in the air.

'Well done.' Alucard told the dead vampire. 'You managed to destroy twenty seven of my souls. You were good sport.' And Alucard laughed. His laugh echoed around the clearing, sending out into the heavens. A laugh to herald a demons arrival in this new world.

'What the hell are you?' Came a voice from edge of the clearing. Alucard looked around –it was one the humans he had noticed earlier. While the others were hiding behind a fallen tree, this one had stepped into the clearing, holding out a sword.

'Isn't it obvious.' Alucard said, putting away his guns. Now he looked like nothing more than a tall man in red. 'I'm a monster!'He grinned wider still. 'I'm a monster that devours other monsters! Now tell me,' he continued, 'where can I find other monsters?'

Father stirred from some half slumber. He rubbed his chin. 'Pride, are you listening?'

'I am, Father.' Pride replied, sending tendrils out towards his chair.

'Go contact Sloth. I need him back here.' I thought a moment. 'Envy and Gluttony too. And take a candidate from Wrath's competitors. I think I will need a new Greed more rapidly than I had envisioned.'

'But why, Father? What has happened?' Pride asked.

'I just sensed a philosopher's stone close to here. A philosopher's stone of a million souls.'

'What!' Pride said. 'How did Hohenheim get that many souls?'

'This is not Hohenheim.' Father replied. 'This is something new. Whatever it is, it is a threat – and perhaps, an opportunity.'


	2. Culture Clash

Disclaimer - something terribly witty, I don't own these shows

'Um, I'm not sure that answer tells us anything.' Al said, stepping forward behind Ling. The- man? – looked at him with interest. 'What are you doing, Al?' Ed said, standing behind him.

'He didn't attack us, and he fought Gluttony, so he's not an enemy – right?' Al replied.

'Gluttony – so that was this beasts name.' The man said, 'How appropriate.'

'You didn't know?' Ed said. 'Then why did you attack him!?' he shouted.

'Because that's what I do, human.' The man replied. 'I search and destroy. I hunt in the darkness, and find those who dwell there, and pull them into the light of the sun so we both may burn!' He looked down at where Gluttony's body had been. 'So, what did you call this creature? A vampire?'

'That was a homunculus!' Lieutenant Hawkeye said, slipping out of the darkness, her gun raised. 'You're not one of them?'

'No.' The man grinned, showing off sharp teeth. 'And yet, yes. But I don't know of them individually.'

'There's someone else making homunculi?' Roy asked, behind Hawkeye. 'How? Who?'

'I fear we are misunderstanding.' The man said, putting on a pair of glasses that seemed to appear from nowhere. 'I am the vampire Alucard. The no-life king. A monster, who once hunted humankind to devour their blood, and to gain their strength. Now I slaughter other monsters.' He grinned again.

Ling spoke again. 'A philosophers stone! You have to have one! You changed shape, regrew limbs – you must have one!'

'There are too many possibilities, human. Explain what it is.'

'A red stone, that can bring immortality!' Ling said, hunger in his hands.

'And enhance alchemy.' Ed butted in. 'It's what the homunculi have. But its evil! To make one, you need human souls, and the people becoming nothing but fuel for alchemy!'

'Hmmm.' Alucard said. 'The creature had one? Well, that is very funny. For you see, you could say I do have a philosophers stone. A philosopher's stone of a million souls.'

There was stunned silence. 'No.' Ed said, under his breath.

'Yes.' Alucard replied. '800 vampires of the Last Battalion! 2000 knights of the 9th Crusade! 39 assassins of Iscariot! 2000 soldiers of the British Army, 300 mercenaries of the Flying Geese, 8000 knights of Transylvania, 20000 warriors of Turkish horde, and 1 million innocent citizens throughout 6 centuries! All and more have been devoured by me and been become a part of my damned heart!' And then he let out a terrifying laugh. He bellowed out to the heavens, taunting them with his horror.

Roy was the first to move. He walked forward, holding out his hand ready to click his fingers. 'Stop there, Alucard. I've killed a homunculus before, I can do it again.'

'One like that?' Alucard pointed to the place Gluttony had been. 'So what will you do, human?' He walked towards Roy, until he was right in front of him. 'Will you cut your way through a horde a million deep, slay every living thing you see as you dodge through the hail of bullets, cut me down only to have me return each time, to finally leave me with my final stolen soul and pierce my heart? Well ,human?'

Roy stepped back.

'I thought not.' Alucard looked strangely disappointed. 'So, you say one created this creature. Who?'

'Please! We don't know!' Al said. 'We were trying to find out from this one, but it escaped!'

'That so?' Alucard asked. 'There are others, then?'

'There was Lust, but I killed it.' Roy said.

'And Greed died. There's just Envy, and Wrath that e know of!'

'Then no doubt there is Sloth, and Pride.' Alucard mused. 'Well, no matter. I shall walk the earth looking for them. I know there scent now, so I will find them and see what sport they shall bring me!' He began to walk away.

'Wait!' Roy said. 'You want to find a homunculus? I can help you find one.' He smirked slightly. 'Perhaps we can help each other?'

'Sir, are you really serious?' Hawkeye said. 'You heard what it said – that thing said it ate a million people!'

'I can tell you the identity of one homunculus, but you have to agree to my terms.' Roy said. 'Kill him at the appropriate time.'

Alucard smirked. 'Why not, human? The challenge of your orders my liven up the hunt.'

'Excellent. I'll lead you to the sin of Wrath.'

 **Dammit, no souls got annihilated this chapter. That's false advertising, that is.**


	3. Small Talk

Disclaimer - pick a phrase. No it wasn't 'I like bacon butties.' It was 'I don't own any of these animes.'

Before they left, Ed grabbed Roy and pulled him behind the house. 'What do you think you're doing?' he whispered shouting.

'It's office politics, Ed. I wouldn't get involved if were you.'

'You're getting that thing to go into the middle of Central? You're going to kill everyone!'

'I think you're being silly, Ed.' Roy said. 'Alucard didn't attack us – he only attacked the homunculus. Besides' , he's going after the other ones – why not help him do what we were trying to do anyway?'

'To get something out of it!' Ed replied, raising his voice.

'Grow up, Ed.' Roy said. 'I'd rather he does it in under me, rather than do it without me to try and stop him killing people.' _So Roy didn't miss the bit about him devouring people,_ Ed mused.

'Ed, if you don't want to come, fine.' Roy said. 'Head back to Resembool. You'll be safe there. If what he says is true, then you being there won't make a difference.'

Ed considered it for a second. 'No way!' He said. 'This might be the best chance to find out about our bodies!'

'Good to hear. Let's go, Fullmetal.'

They went back to the car. The others had loaded up everything, with Alucard watching, leaning against the vehicle. They all piled into the car – Roy and Riza sat in the front, while the others squeezed into the back. Ed sat next Al, looking at Alucard. Ling was awkwardly sitting next to Alucard, trying to be as far away from him as possible. Alucard noticed him doing it, and seemed to find it amusing.

As they set off, Roy said 'It's a few hours to Central. It'll be midnight be the time we get there.' At Alucard's insistence, they stayed at the house through the day time. Alucard had retreated to a basement for that time.

'Excuse me, could I ask you something?' Al said, raising a hand as he did so. 'Why do you not like the daylight?'

'It was a choice, made over six centuries ago.' Alucard said. 'I turned from the light, and embraced the power of the night. I became more than human. And less. Now the light means nothing but pain and a slow death.'

'Equivalent exchange.' Ed suddenly said.

Alucard looked at him, intrigued. 'What is that?

'It's the fundamental law of alchemy, of the universe! To gain something, something of equal value must be given.' He squinted his eyes. 'Have you not heard of alchemy?'

'Where I'm from, it didn't work.' Alucard replied.

Ling looked interested. 'You said you'd lived six centuries.' Ling said. 'Could you help me gain immortality?'

Alucard sighed. 'Why? Is this a foolish fancy? A salve for the constant fear in your head?'

'No! I need this for my country!' Ling said. 'I need it for my clan, for my people!'

'So did I.' Alucard said, looking out the window. 'You are right, Edward Elric. Everything requires a price. I sort after power, to fight, to protect those I loved. What did I get for it? Broken castles, slaughtered people, a fallen country. And at the hour of my defeat, did I have the strength to accept the debt I owed? No – I succumbed. I bargained for time, became a creature who could never feel the warmth of the sun, nothing but a half life, a monstrosity to walk the Earth eternal, bringing bloodshed in my wake.' He looked straight at Ling. 'Do not throw away your humanity. It is the most valuable thing you posses.'

Ling was silent. Ed spoke next. 'Where are you even from? How did alchemy not work?'

Alucard shrugged. 'I am not from this Earth. I wander through the possibilities. I am trapped from my own world, so I walk till I find a way back, or a champion capable of defeating me.'

'Other worlds.' Al gasped. 'What are they like?'

'Varied.' Alucard mused, deep voicing going almost whimsical. 'In one world, humankind was besieged by giants. In another, my masters did battle in great suits of armour to dominate the world. In a third, humans collected great monsters to fight battles against each other. None gave something that could stop me.' Alucard grinned at that.

The enormity of it was too big. They were all silent as they drove the rest of the way.

Ed was still struggling to grasp what was going on. Suddenly, he'd been thrown into a world outside of the science, monstrous as it could be, that he knew. He was worried that he knew what was even going to happen. _How can we be sure he won't slaughter everyone in Central?_ was the thought that kept going through his head.

'This is a big city.' Alucard mentioned, as they drove into outskirts of Central. 'How big, would you say?'

'About two million.' Roy replied. 'It's Amestris's largest city.'

'And how accurate is that, do you think?' Alucard asked again. 'A few hundred thousand out?'

'Maybe as high two point four million.' Roy said. 'It depends if you count the suburbs east of the river. Why?'

'I smell a different number. At the centre – there seems to be a lot of souls. About half a million.'

'What do you mean?'

'Someone like me. A monster, who has devoured half a million souls into a philosophers soul.' Alucard grinned his typically wide grin. 'This world is fascinating.'


	4. I don't need no good advise

Disclaimer - I do not own these shows. I could see why you could be confused. I do own a lot of shows. But I forgot to buy these ones, and I'm out of money. Please give me money to buy them.

'Well, that changes things, doesn't it?' Alucard said, stepping outside of the parked car. 'I would love to stay, but I fear duty calls.'

'But you don't know where Wrath is!' Roy said. Alucard shrugged in response.

'What does it matter, now a target has so presented itself so clearly?' Alucard said, pulling out his guns.

'But, you said you would obey my orders!' Roy said.

'I have a master.' Alucard said. 'That master will always come first. I must get back to them.'

'I won't let you hurt innocent people.' Roy said, raising his hand gain, ready to click his fingers.

'Really?' Alucard grinned, towering over the Colonel. 'How strong is that conviction?' he asked. 'Ready to fight for?' Alucard aimed his gun at Roys head. 'Ready to die for?'

Roy clicked his fingers.

Fire erupted from his fingers, engulfing Alucard. He fell back as his body burned. Souls were ripped apart in the flames. His body recoiled into darkness, and began to reform, and body emerging again.

'That was very foolish, Roy Mustang.' Alucard said. 'But it was very brave.'

He rebuilt his old form again. 'All right, Flame Alchemist. I'll make this promise. I will slay these Homunculi, them and them alone. Only those with the stench of the death about them will feel the taste of my bullet. Humans I will leave alone.'

'How can we trust you?' Ed asked, stepping out the car.

'You can't. Haven't you realised? I'm a monster, only bound by my vestiges of morality and loyalty to a master a million possibilities away. But you know what? If you want to stop me, go ahead! Try and pierce my heart!'

And at that, Alucard leaped into the air. He looked across the city, and saw the curious sight of soldiers standing at barricades assembled around the centre of the city. 'Curious.' Alucard said to himself. The scent was inside that ring of barricades. Not the surprising, perhaps.

Alucard did not bother with stealth – there were lights sweeping everywhere, and he didn't want to. He leaped out in plain sight of guns and tanks, and then he waited. He waited for guns to point at him, to artificial light to reveal him.

A mega phone blared. 'This is under military lock down. Vacate the area!'

'All humans take head!' Alucard shouted back. 'Fall back, for this is not your place anymore.' That was his warning done. 'For hear standeth the Bird of Hermes!' he cried. He did not need to say it, not now, but he choose to. 'Eating my own wings!'

'You have one final warning, or we will fire! Move!'

'To keep me tame.' Alucard grinned. As he said that, a rifle round flew at him, hitting him at his torso. He fell back on the floor, flying motionless. Then he started to laugh. A laugh born of arrogance. Justified arrogance. As he did so, the essence of blood and shadow rolled out from his form. It rose above him, around him in all directions. And then the army came forward.

The army had changed in composition, but not in action. It moved forward as the great horde, unthinking, unfeeling. It began to barge forward. Gunfire and tank missiles began to rip into it. They slowed it, made it fall back. But for every bullet spent, another corpse was there to fill its place. The defences were barely held.

At the centre, Alucard grinned. The held because he held back. But there was such a thing as tpo much fair play. He released more.

The street filled with machines. Rolling forward, they came on, a hundred rows deep and ten wide, they came one. Tanks, lorries, buses, vans, cars and scooters. They came in an unbreakable horde – the might of mans greatest city smashed through the defences arrayed against him. Soldiers fled before the horde. Through it, Alucard strolled forward, being careful not to kill any of the dogs attacking him. Extra careful not to drink anything.

Below him, Alucard noticed that is hollow. And there was a vampire – or homunculi – below him. That was very interesting. He absorbed the army into himself again, causing it to disappear.

'Hey, Alucard! We found you!' came a shout from behind. Alucard turned, to see the metal man and the boy brother running behind him.

'Nice night.' Alucard said, leaning on a broken light.

'Roy said we had to find you!' Al said.

'Did you kill anyone?' Ed said.

'No, I didn't.' Alucard replied. 'Looks like you can trust me a little, after all.' He grinned. 'And I've found another Homunculi. Let's see what amusement that one can bring.' Alucard stepped down, and turned his body nonphysical. He step through the floor, and landed in a tunnel. A being stood before Alucard.

'Well hello there.' He said. 'We've been expecting you.'

'A welcome party?' Alucard said. 'How sweet.' Alucard saw out of the corner of his eye, and beast coming for him. He lazily aimed his pistol, and fired, slaying it instantly. 'And what should I call you?'

'You can call me Envy. So, you're the one who killed Gluttony? Who are you?'

'Alucard.' He pulled out his second gun. 'The No Life King. The Dragon. The Impaler. The Night Walker. The First and Last Monster.' He grinned. 'Nice to meet you, Envy.'

 **Damn, don't you just wish you could summon an army of zombies at will? It'd be so convenient.**


	5. Sound of the Underground

Disclaimer - Thanks for everyone for giving me money. However, I recently discovered that Liechenstienian Zumblars are not a currency, and such, I can't buy shows with them. Stop sending me them. But yes, I don't own either anime.

'Where'd he go?' Al shouted, startled. 'He just disappeared!'

'He went down through the floor!' Ed replied, clapping his hands together. 'Come on, we don't want to lose him!' he placed his hands on the floor, and the earth shifted into a hole, a ladder forming leading down. Below Ed, he saw Alucard standing there, apparently uninterested in what Ed was doing.

'Those familiars are fascinating, by the way.' Alucard said, to someone Ed couldn't see. 'My complements to their maker.' Ed ran down the ladder, Al following, to reveal the form of Envy in front of Alucard.

'I'll tell that to him. You won't get there yourself. Get him, Sloth!'

The wall next to Alucard smashed apart, revealing a huge giant. It punched at Alucard, throwing him to the other side of the tunnel.

'Me, getting caught off guard? I must be getting slow in my old age.' Alucard said. He aimed a pistol at the giant, but the bullet bounced of its skull. Sloth then charged, smashing Alucard through the tunnel wall and sending them both out of sight, the sounds of battle going with them.

'Oh, it's you. The Fullmetal tin man and the midget.'

'Four! That's the fourth time you've called me a pipsqueack!' Ed shouted, running forward and punching at Envy. He back flipped away, landing lazily out of reach.

'Listen, Fullmetal, I don't want to fight you. I'll probably have my hands full dealing with that thing.' Envy said, hands on his hips. 'So you just stay out of it, ok. You don't want to get involved with it, and we wouldn't want our sacrifices getting hurt, do we?'

'You don't get it, Envy.' Al replied. 'We're with Alucard.'

Envy starred at him for a second. 'You're serious.'

'Well, more following it really.' Al admitted. 'But he's on our side!'

'You really made a deal with a being like Fa-' Envy suddenly stopped himself. 'You're idiots.'

'A being like what, Envy?' Ed shouted. 'Tell me!'

'Doesn't matter.' Envy said. 'Just stay out the way!' He ran off into a random tunnel, seemingly cloaked in darkness.

'Where'd he go?' Al asked.

'Let's find Alucard.' Ed said. 'That's who we're here to keep an eye on!'

Alucard was smashed along the side of tunnel by the creature Sloth. 'You're a tough brute, aren't you?' Alucard said, aiming his Casull at the side of Sloth's head. The bullet knocked its head back, but it didn't seem to pierce the skin. In response, he was smashed to the wall, and slowly crushed by the great strength of the dog.

'I kill you, and I get to rest.' He said, slowly, apparently having to force out every word. 'I kill you kill you, and I get to stop. That's what he told me.'

'You're a dumb dog, Sloth.' Alucard said, speaking even as his lungs were crushed. 'Are all his creations like this? Is Envy the only smart one?'

'I kill you, I get to stop!' Sloth said, doubling down, adding more strength to his crushing.

'Boo!' said Alucard, as an anti-vampire shell hit into Sloths face. The crusader had been pulled out of the side of Alucard to deliver that shot, and know it retreated into him again.

Sloth let go, and staggered back. Alucard pulled himself up, and drew his Jackal once more. 'That normal human gun wasn't a match for you, was it?' he said. 'But this – 12 kilograms of holy iron, containing mercuric shells firing with the force of a tank shell! A gun to put down even the toughest dogs, or the fiercest monsters!' Alucard grinned.

Sloth grunted, and swung forward. Alucard ducked under the blow, and fired a bullet into the brutes armpit. Sloth was blasted back, smashing apart his skin, revealing bone and flesh for a moment, before they regenerated again.

'How disappointing.' Alucard said. 'And there was me hoping I couldn't hurt you. Sadly, I was mistaken.' He cocked the gun. 'The last one didn't die if I shot him in the head. Are you same, I wonder? Did he skimp on you as well?' Alucard grinned. 'Laziness in making Sloth – how appropriate.'

'OK, enough.' Sloth said. 'I'll do it properly!' And then he darted forward. Alucard was trampled, knocked to the ground as the creature ran. But then Sloth was stuck in the wall. Alucard chuckled as he got to his regrowing feet. 'You have a little party trick. Adorable.'

Sloth pulled his head out of the wall. He tensed, and ran forward. In an instant, he was buried in the other side of the tunnel. He pulled his head out of the wall to the sound of a click.

'Missed.' Alucard held his pistol to the back of Sloth's head. He fired, the round blowing open Sloths skull. The recoil also smashed apart Alucard's wrists, but he could repair it quicker. And it made him feel alive.

'You're not fast enough for me!' Alucard cried. Then he grabbed Sloth, and lifted him over his head. He then smashed him down the bottom of the tunnel, smashing apart his jaw.

Sloth struggled to rise up, but Alucard was having too much fun. He realised his strength on Sloth, landing punches to fast to see, each with the strength to smash apart a car door. Each hit smashed apart a piece of Sloth, to be rebuilt and to be broken again.

'Stop!' Envy came running in. 'Sloth, you get out of there!'

'His he now?' Alucard said, holding Sloth up with one hand by his throat. 'And how are you going to make that happen?'

'He isn't.' Came a voice. 'I'll be doing that.'

Alucard looked, and saw a man standing there. He wore a dress uniform, an eye patch, a moustache and two swords at his hip. And there was something curious about him – his scent was that of prey. _A human?_

Alucard dropped Sloth, who was dragged away by Envy. Alucard was interested. 'Who should introduce each other first? I am –'

'I know who you are. A great number of titles. Its an interesting day one meets a fellow king.'

 **Next time - Alucard vs Kiaser Wilhelm!**

 **That's who it was, right?**


	6. Taxonomy's the Worst

Disclaimer - I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing. No there's no joke. Jokes are hard.

'Wrath is trying to stall him.' Pride said, watching from afar. 'But Sloth's badly hurt – Envy's bringing him back now for more souls.'

'Hmmm.' Father said, looking at the circle. 'I need more time.' He looked over the room to the other figure. 'Greed – go give me some time. Round up the chimeras to help.'

'You got it, dad.' The new Greed, getting up. His body was one of the old candidates for Wrath, who had since gone back to being youthful again. Greed trotted out the room, hands in his pockets.

'Hmm.' Father said again, rubbing his chin. This would be close.

'Ah King? That so?' Alucard said.

'That's right. My name is Fuhrer King Bradley.' The man said. He was remarkably calm.

'And what is a human doing amongst these monsters, might I ask?' Alucard said.

Bradley paused. 'I think you're mistaken.' He said. 'I'm a homunculus. I am Wrath the Furious.'

'I could smell the others.' Alucard said. 'I know the smell of stolen souls. You don't smell like them.'

'Ah, that explains the confusion. I'm a little different.' Wrath said. 'I have only the one. A single soul inhabits my body.'

'Then you have no ability to heal your wounds?' Alucard said. 'So if I shoot you through the lungm with a bullet unblessed containing no silver, you'd die?' He grinned. 'That makes you human in my book.'

Wrath moved quickly, darting forward. Alucard tried to pull out his gun, but he was too fast. Wraths sword cut of his head. Alucard's body rolled to the floor, as it began to reform again.

Wraths eye patch had come off in the attack. It revealed an eye, containing no pupil, but instead a symbol of an ouroboros. 'My ultimate eye can see everything – nothing can be hidden from it.' Wrath explained. 'Far greater than anything a human could hope to have.'

Alucard's head returned. He was smiling – almost giddy with excitement. 'A trick. Humans have them. I once knew a human who could regenerate from bullet wounds, pull weapons from thin air, and disappear into the air. He was still human. You were born human, unlike them, and still have a human's soul.'

Wrath shrugged. 'I don't believe it matters whether you think I'm human or not.'

'I'm afraid it does. You see, I was ordered to not slay any humans here today. Until all the homunculi are dead, I feel bound by this. So I fear our battle shall have to wait.'

In between the two of them, a horde of the dead filled the chamber. Wrath looked surprised for a moment, then steeled himself.

'You deal with these. You manage to defeat these, then you might be the human I've been looking for – the human who can defeat me? Can you do it, Wrath the Furious? Can you slaughter through this horde, cut down every member, till I lie standing at the end, for you to pierce my heart?'

Wrath charged.

'Excellent.' Alucard said, walking away from sounds of battle.'


	7. If I'd known I'd have brought a cake

Disclaimer - You own Fullmetal Alchemist and Hellsing. Yes, you. The one on the right.

Roy looked over at the hole in the ground. It looked like the Eldric's work, alright – the destruction was distinctive. Though he had to admit, the destruction on the surface was out of their league. 'Alucard really wasn't kidding, was he?' he said, looking at a smashed apart military truck. It seemed that it had been crushed under a landslide.

'Sir, did you really have to set him on fire?' Riza asked him. It wasn't a great idea, he had to admit.

'Never mind that now.' Roy said. 'We don't have much time till the Central forces rally back here.' He glanced at Ling. 'You can sense them down there?' he asked.

'Yes, they're down there.' Ling said. 'Seems like a lot of fighting going on down there.'

'Sir!' Riza shouted. 'Enemy sighted!'

Roy looked up. His heart sank. Standing before him, walking towards him, was the figure of Scar. Curiously enough, he seemed to have a little girl with him. 'Just what we needed.' Roy said. 'Scar, even a death seeker like you must see that this out of your league.' He raised his hands

'Wait, I recognise her –' Ling began. But Scar interrupted him.

'Flame Alchemist, I am not here for you this day. Did that homunculus go down to the tunnels?' Scar said.

'Back away Scar. I don't have time for you today.' Roy shouted.

'Enough for me!' Scar shouted, placing his hand below him. The air sparked, and the ground underneath Scar shattered apart. He and the girl disappeared into the tunnel.

'As if this night wasn't confusing enough!' Riza said. It was hard for Roy to disagree.

Alucard walked around the corner away from Wrath to see the Eldric running up to get to him. 'There you are!' Ed said, stopping to catch his breath.

'Ah it's you two. I'm surprised you managed to find me.' Alucard said. He carried on, walking slowly in the direction of the smell of souls.

'Where have you been?' Al said. 'You don't look like you've been fighting.'

'Never the less.' Alucard replied. 'I have been dealing with being called Sloth. I believe it got out alive.'

'Sloth.' Ed said. 'We haven't met them.'

'Not worth it, believe me.' Alucard said. 'He's merely a big dumb brute.' He grinned. 'There is a certain satisfaction in showing someone you can defeat them at their own game. To match them on their strength, and beat them at it – far more exhilarating than simply attacking their weaknesses.'

There was silence in the tunnel for a moment – only the sounds of boots clashing on the ground. Then Ed said. 'Alucard, Envy said they knew about creatures like you.'

'Really?' Alucard said. He was interested. 'Do go on.'

'Well, we were wondering,' Al began. 'Could a vampire create a homunculi?'

Alucard thought about this for a moment. Then he said. 'How is a homunculi made?'

The brothers looked at each other. 'We don't know.' Ed admitted. 'But I think you need to be able to construct a human body. Then, you need some kind of blood seal to transport a soul there. That's the theory, anyway. It's only been a hypothetical idea till now.'

'The word we use is familiars.' Alucard. 'And yes, I can make them. The ease of making them varies.' He paused for a second, wondering how much he should tell these humans. But it would make little difference. 'Some occur without a thought – over time, they grow like parasites on the decaying remains of flesh. Insects and spiders and rats. The others though, those with great power, they take effort. For them, one must craft them from your very essence – out of the beast inside each living person inside you, from their hatred and bloodlust. From those souls, I can craft into a beast I can bring forth to fight when I need.'

'That doesn't sound like a homunculus.' Al said.

'No – I've never been able to make an intelligent familiar.' Alucard admitted. 'Nor have I had them independent from myself before. But vampires are variable – all are unique, in one way or the other. The homunculi's creator could go something a little different. But does it matter? They're still nothing but a monster.'

'It does matter!' Al said. 'If there are more creatures like you and it out there, and the whole world could in danger!'

'I think you underestimate yourself, human.' Alucard said. 'Humans are more effective than that. They are the masters of the earth, and so single beasts can defeat them.'

'Beautiful little speech there. Really touching.' Came a voice from the shadows, clapping slowly. Walking out came a tall, well grizzled man. Short brown hair crowned the top of his head. 'The names Greed.' He said, pointing at himself.

'No!' Ed shouted. 'You died! Fuhrer Bradley killed you.'

'Oh yeah, Wrath told me about that. Yeah, I'm not him. I'm the new Greed.' He opened his arms wide. 'Welcome to Greed mark 2! Nice little body, a bit old at first, but don't worry, I spruced it up.'

'Well this is going to be interesting.' Alucard growled. 'What do you do?'

'Oh, hold on sec there.' Greed replied. 'I've got a little present for you.' He pointed to behind him. Out of the darkness, growling creatures started to come out – snake and wolf, lion and bat, creatures foul and fair combined and tangled in hundreds of ways.

'Fancy playing with pups?' Greed said. The first beast leaped forward, and ended up crashing its mouth onto Alucard's Casull. A smile on his face, he blew out its brains.

'My, you do know how to give good gifts.'

 **Remember kids, a chimera is for life, not just for Christmas.**


	8. I hope I have a mop

Disclaimer - Hellsing and Fullmetal Alchemist are not owned by me. In fact, the photons you are reading this with are also not my property. Nor is the computer I'm writing this with. Copyright law's a bitch.

Ed clapped his hands together, and placed them down. A spike slammed out of the ground, smashing one of the chimeras into the ceiling. It yelped, span around as it fell, and charged forward. But Alucard was already there – a gunshot crushed its head, leaving blood splatters on the wall of the tunnel.

'Good hit, Elric!' Alucard shouted, opening fire on the advancing horde of creatures. None of them could with stand more than a single blast from the gun, before crumpling to the ground a broken mess.

'I'll get Greed!' Ed said, transmuting his arm into a blade. 'Al, clear a path for me!'

'On it, brother!' Al said. He placed his hands on the water, bringing it up to smash down a row of the chimeras.

'Ah glory seeker, are we?' Alucard said. 'Well, we can't have that! Not when there's sport for me to take!' And with that he leaped forward. For a moment, he became seemed to half disappear, as he somehow slide through the oncoming horde. At the other side, he rematerialised, right in front of Greed. 'Hello there.'

Alucard pulled the trigger of his gun. The bullet blew out his brain, leaving only the stump of his neck left. His head started to regrow in front of him, leaving an annoyed expression on Greed's face.

'Hey, watch it will you? This coat doesn't grow back.' He said, wiping brain splatter of his shoulder.

'You beings are interesting, Greed. You are so similar to the spawn of one like me, a creature of darkness, yet you are very different. So, Greed, what do you do?' He shot a chimera trying to sneak up behind him. 'I stand here, the No Life King, with a million souls at my back, while you have but a few hundred, if that?' he grinned. 'To have to any hope of standing against me, you must have some gift to assist you, some ace to give your hand the slightest chance.'

'The one called Gluttony had a maw, with which he devoured me – but I had more mouths than him, and I was too big for his stomach. Sloth was strong, and fast – but I dodged his attacks and smashed him apart. The one called Wrath could not match me in my destruction. So tell me Greed, what is your talent? What can I defeat you at to bring humiliation and despair?'

'You really love your speeches, don't you?' Greed said. 'You should become an orator. That's a smooth voice you got on you.'

Alucard fired a pistol. Greed dodged, running at Alucard, sharp claws tearing into his flesh. Alucard punched, flinging Greed across the room into the wall. He brought his elbow to Greed's face, who barely rolled out of the way. Greed cut at Alucard's neck, but all that brought for its worth was a round to the chest. Greed staggered back, clutching his stomach as his torso healed.

'All right, fine.' Greed said, putting down his coat. 'There's something I haven't tried yet!'

Blackness rolled over his skin. It covered his face, leaving a dark mask in its place.

'Welcome to the ultimate shield!' he shouted. Wordlessly, Alucard fired.

The Jackel's round exploded as it hit his face. Smoke erupted around it, but as the remains bounced to the floor. 'Nope, that's not going to work on this.' The black armour was unharmed, leaving not a scratch.

'Not a bad trick.' Alucard said. 'But is it a trump hand?' He raised his arms. Out of his cloak, members of both sides of Battle of London emerged. The Last Battalion of his left, the Ninth Crusade on his right, Alucard making the middle of the firing squad.

'What's he doing?' Ed shouted, dodging back as chimera attacked him. He kicked it away with his metal leg.

'He's invulnerable – what does he care?' Al replied, clapping his hands together and placing them onto the wall. A giant hand came out, grabbing two chimeras.

'Well, so is Greed! It'll be an immovable rock against an unstoppable force!'Ed brought up a rock underneath one of the chimera, pinning it up to the top of the tunnel. 'We need to get through to him!'

'But how?' Al said, as a chimera tried to bite at his arm to no avail. 'There's dozens of them!'

'Al, you're made of metal! They can't hurt you!' Ed said.

'Don't be stupid, Ed!' Al said, offended. 'I can be hurt too!'

'But there's something you can do!' Ed said. 'You can clear a path for me?'

'Why me?'

'I need to get to Greed to deal with his ultimate shield.' Ed said. 'And if I leave you behind you'll be fine till Alucard comes back to help out.'

'Brother, I think you're taking me for granted here!'

'Al, another time!'

'Fine!' Al charged forward, clapping and transmuting the ground in front of him as he went. The chimera scattered for a moment, as Ed bounded over Al to get to behind them. 'Thanks Al!' he shouted, then ran towards the sound of gun fire.

He found Alucard with lines of gunmen around him, some holding giant rifles looking like spears, others holding rocket launchers. Both were continually firing at Greed, who didn't seem to be having any trouble of them.

'You are a tough dog, aren't you!' Alucard cried.

'I do my best.' Greed replied.

'Well how about this?' Alucard cried, somehow pulling out what looked like an artillery piece ot of his coat, poking out of the side of his torso.

'Wait!' Ed cried. 'Don't! You'll bring the place down!'

'Oh no, that's gonna be annoying. I'm not allowed to kill you.' Greed moaned.

'More annoying than this?' Ed shouted, leaping at Greed as he clapped his hands. He touched Greed, changing the material of his shield.

'You're annoying, kid!' Greed said, picking him up and hurling him away. Ed landed on the floor, bruising his face. As he struggled up, Alucard fired with the cannon.

Greed smashed into pieces. Nothing was left of his body. A stone was revealed, that slowly started to regenerate again.

'Oh no you don't!' Alucard said, opening fire with every gun he and his minions had. Bullets smashed into flesh, while explosions sent blood flying everywhere. Each time Greed tried to reform, the slightest remains would be broken apart again.

Eventually, the red light stopped. The philosopher's stone turned to ask, fading away on the floor.

'Well done, Greed.' Alucard said. 'You beat me. I had to get help to defeat you. Congratulations.'

 **That's all very well, but that leaves the most important question unanswered - where the hell did Alucard get his Jackel from? I thought that he lost it when Walter blew - 'mumble mumble mumble' - oh sorry. I have been advised not to poke plot holes in the things I wrote.**


	9. Are you taking this entirely seriously?

Disclaimer - I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing. I also don't own YOUR FACE!

Wrath decapitated the last of the horde, and leaned on his sword, panting. He wiped the blood from his side – it wasn't his. The things that he had been fighting were uncoordinated, with only numbers making them a threat.

'Wrath, are you finished?' said a shadow from the wall. Wrath turned, seeing the shadow form, concentrate, and eyes form on the wall.

'A curious one, this creature?' Wrath said.

'We don't have time, Wrath.' Pride replied. 'Greed's dead. Permanently, this time.'

Wrath raised his eyebrows. 'Really now? I thought he'd last longer than that.'

'It seems the Fullmetal Alchemist found his weakness.'

'They're working together, are they?' Wrath wiped his sword. 'That makes things inconvenient.'

'If they get in the way too much, kill them.' Pride said bluntly.

'A sacrifice?'

'Things have moved passed that now.' Pride said. 'I'm going to get the mannequins and the old candidates. Sloth has had is soul replenished. Him and Envy are going to try and stop him. Go meet with them, and stop it.'

'There's something you should know.' Wrath said. 'Alucard refuses to fight me because he thought I was human.'

'He won't kill humans? What a strange notion – for one of Father's kind to value those pathetic human lives!'

'Perhaps he considers it beneath him.' Wrath said. He glanced at his eye patch, then turned away. 'I'll be there soon.'

Edward looked at the remains of Greed, shocked. But it wasn't the first time he'd seen a dead homunculi. 'Al!' he shouted. 'He needs help!'

'Ah, your metal brother.' Alucard said. 'Well, I can hardly have someone die who's with me on this pleasant stroll, can I?' Alucard loaded both his guns, as the hordes disappeared from view, returning into his body. As Edward struggled up, he stepped round the corner and began firing.

The sounds of explosions and whelping came from the corridor. Alucard fired, seemingly indiscriminately, till he ran out of bullets. Then the clips fell to the floor with a heavy thud, leaving silence.

'Al!' Ed shouted, running round the corner. Thankfully, Al was still standing – but he was the only thing that was. Scattered corpses of the chimeras littered the tunnel. 'You OK?'

'I'm fine, brother. But please don't leave me again! One nearly got inside if me!' He sounded horrified, and Ed couldn't blame him.

'I'm sorry Al. I won't, I promise.' Ed looked around – Alucard was already walking off. 'Come on, we need to keep up with him.'

The two of them passed around back to where Alucard had halted. A soldier stood there, a rifle pointing at them. 'Stop right there! We have you surround-'

Then Alucard shot him.

'What?' Al shouted. 'You promised you wouldn't kill -!'

'Look.' Alucard pointed, as the soldier reformed into the shape of Envy. 'I can smell your inhumanity.'

'Damn it! So much for what Pride said.' Envy said. 'Sloth!'

A blurred figure rammed through wall next to Alucard. 'Oh know you don't!' Alucard grabbed him, hurling him over his shoulder into the next wall. 'Elric's – you deal with that one.'

Ed was about to argue, but it occurred to him it wouldn't work. 'Got any advice for this one?'

'Try turning into a bat. That might help.'

Sloth slowly pushed himself out of the rubble. Al clapped his hands together on the floor, sending spikes out towards him, slamming him backwards. Sloth grunted, and brushed off the crushing spikes with a wave of his hands. 'Got to kill him. You're in the way.'

'That didn't even damage him!' Al said.

'Then we need to be smarter than it!' Ed said, transmuting the floor. A pillar smashed up from the floor into Sloth's mouth. He moaned, biting down and freeing himself.

Sloth walked forward, ignoring the spikes he ripped through. 'Kill him. Kill him, and I get to stop.' Sloth intoned. He lunged towards Ed with his great fists.

Al cut him, however, knocking Sloth, making him stagger. 'Nice save Al!' Ed shouted, sliding forward on the floor as he clapped his hands together. He touched at Sloth's ankles, and used Scar's technique on them, breaking down his legs. Sloth fell, but otherwise barely seemed to react to it. Red light sparking, his body began to rebuild itself.

'You won't get up easily!' Al cried, transmuting the broken pillar into chains, wrapping and tightening around Sloth's arms and torso. Sloth just slowly grunted, and pushed himself up on his new legs. Then suddenly he charged at great speed, smashing the chains apart and knocking Ed and Al of his feet.

'In the way. Kill you, then him, then rest.' Sloth stated.

 **Oh Sloth, your such a card.**

 **Though not an Alucard!**

 **Ok, I'll see myself out.**


	10. The gang's all here

Disclaimer - What has two thumbs and doesn't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing? Well not me, cause I'm a tooth. But still, I have the second part down.

Alucard strolled down the corridor, swinging his guns casually as he walked. Envy got up, his body rebuilding itself.

'Afraid to fight both of us, is that it?' Envy said, grinning, adopting a low stance.

'Not at all.' Alucard said. 'Don't mistake me humouring you for cowardice. I want give you every chance to destroy me, and then once you've exposed every last trick and stratagem you have, I'll unleash the bare minimum power required to tear you to bloody shreds.' As he spoke, Alucard's cloak flickered back, causing bats to fly out, crowding the corridor as they flew past Envy.

'Ha!' Envy said, making a grin of Alucard's. 'You don't have any idea of what you're dealing with!'

'A true vampire.' Alucard said plainly. 'You know doubt have another name for them. But a being that corrupts flesh and grants power, with the price of all that matters. A being like me.'

Envy paused for a second. 'No, that's not right!'

'I very much doubt that. Not when they have left their mark upon you.' He pointed to the ouroboros tattoo on Envy's leg. 'But they most likely know what I am. So why don't they come and match me on the battle? Why hide behind weak and pathetic creations like you?'

'Damn you!' Envy charged forward, kicking Alucard's gun up to the air. He slashed with a sword at Alucard, cutting off his arm, while wrapping a serpent like tentacle around his other arm. Alucard pulled against Envy lazily.

'I've got you now!' Envy said, pushing Alucard down to the floor.

'Is that really your plan?' Alucard said, with a bored voice. 'I imagine I'd get more out of the big one!' His cut off hand, still holding his Jackal, fired.

Envy was blown back, as Alucard reformed his body. Envy leaped back, regrowing his broken torso. Alucard opened fire with his Casull, punching holes into Envy's body.

'Dammit!' Envy cried. 'Fine, you want me show you a trick?'

Envy's body started to chain, turning green and growing, huge limbs extending from his body. Alucard watched, as Envy filled the corridor, turning to a great six limbed beast, its side churning with softly screaming lost souls.

'Look down on me now, punk?' Envy shouted. Alucard aimed his Jackal, but Envy was ready, bringing down a front paw, smashing Alucard to the side of the tunnel. He struggled up, but Envy was just as strong. He brought his teeth onto Alucard's body, and bit deep. Alucard's head smattered off to the side.

'See? Not so tough – the hell?' Alucard's head was slowly turning to blood and dust, but as it did so, it changed. The head revealed a young man, smiling softly. 'But where –'

Calmly resting his gun behind Envy, Alucard opened fire.

It wasn't a normal gun, but one of the anti-vampire cannons used by the Last Battlion. At this range, it tore apart both Envy and Alucard, causing them both to rebuild their normal human forms. 'You're not the only one who can change forms.' Alucard said happily, slipping into the form of a young girl, then an old man, then his normal self again has he walked to close with Envy.

'I'm sure that transformation is impressive for most humans. But not me – it's just a bigger target.' Alucard said. 'But for showing me your trick, you can see one of mine.' Alucard held his hands in a square and looked through them. Inside his form, a few eyes opened. Shadows started to create formed within them. 'Meet my dogs.'

Two giant half dogs, half shadows were released from his cloak. They raced forward at Envy, who leaped backwards, slashing with his sword, but seeming to hit nothing. Envy was pinned to wall, the dogs clawing and tearing at his limbs. Envy struggled to get up, but the dogs bit down hard, crushing at his limbs.

'So what will you do? Will you beg for mercy? Or will you find some way to get out, to find a away to defeat me-'

And it was then that Wrath stabbed Alucard in the back.

Alucard looked down at the blade, jutting from the centre of his chest. 'Missed.' He said, rolling forward off the blade, landing and pulling himself up. As he turned, he saw Wrath hack at the dog biting at Envy's arm. With it free, Envy cut the second dog in half.

'Thought you might need some assistance, Envy.' Wrath said. 'Sorry for my delay.'

'You should be. I nearly got eaten by those pests.' Envy said, getting up as his body reformed. 'Ah well, let's knock this pile of beasts down to size!'

'My, isn't this adorable?' Alucard said. 'A human and a monster working together. Just like old times.' He paused, cocking his guns. 'Two against one, then? Think that'll be enough?'

'Three against one.' Shadows appeared on the walls, and all around eyes flashed open. From the shadows, a small boy descended around.

'Pride, is it?' Alucard said. 'Well, how lovely. It's always nice to meet new faces.'

 **I really hope Alucard has bags for his pets. But probably not - he's terrible for littering.**


	11. You really should invest in glowsticks

Disclaimer - I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing, but I do own the word disclaimer. Pay up.

Scar pushed through the pieces of rubble in the tunnel. 'There's been a battle between alchemists.' He looked at the hole in the wall. 'That, or the homunculi.'

May ran up to catch up with Scar. 'I can feel them. They're fighting! They're all in one place – there's so much energy being used!' She shivered.

Scar nodded. 'This will get dangerous. I'd advise you leave. You won't gain anything for your people if you die here.' He took off his glasses. 'For myself, I've need to find my path God has given me at the end of this road.'

May crossed her arms impudently 'No way! I'm not leaving till I get a philosophers stone!'

'As you wish.' Scar said. He sighed – this would not be easy.

Alucard grinned, looking at the three homunculi in front of him. 'So, what's your plan? That creature Sloth seems to be up and running, so he must have had a source of souls recently. But you haven't been doing enough damage to me to make that arithmetic work. So, you've decided three against one is the odds you need?'

'Enough talking!' Envy said, running forward with his blade. Alucard leaped up onto the side of the wall, outside of the way of the sword.

'But I still want to have a chat with this new challenge. So you and Wrath spend your time with this, and I'll be with you in a moment.'

From Alucard's body came the casualties of the Iscariot organisation. One of them immediately exploded, throwing up dust clouds and blasting all around back. Alucard ideally saw Wrath and Envy had escaped it mostly unharmed, but were separated from Pride by the horde. 'Excellent,' he growled.

'So you've got a few pretty tricks, I see.' Pride said. Then shadows flashed everywhere around the tunnel, turning into a dark hole of mouths and eyes. 'It's a pleasure to meet another one who might be able to match me.'

Alucard whistled. 'Really? I'm that good, am I?'

Pride replied 'I said you might be able to match me!' Black tendrils shoot out at every angle. Many cut at the ranks of Iscariot, some who died, others who dodged and weaved out of the black sharp edges of nothingness.

Another went for Alucard. He didn't even try to move – as he took it, he was smashed against a wall, and head hanging loosely as it bleed, he brought up his Casull and fired.

Pride blocked the bullets lazily with his tendrils, not even noticing them. 'You're going to need more than that to defeat me. I'm the first and greatest of all the homunculi. Using those weapons like you're some primitive human won't help you!'

'Are you calling this weapon primitive?' Alucard said. 'I doubt you have anything you can match it with!' He opened fire with his Jackal, firing every bullet and letting the case fall to the floor.

A single bullet clipped Pride's face. His head exploded, and Pride glowed red as Pride reformed, apparently bored by the whole experience. He knocked some dust of his shirt as he stood up again. 'Yes, primitive. After all, how it can it compare to this?'

Pride's hand grabbed at Alucard's body from every direction. A great mouth rearing shadow tendril picked up Alucard by his leg. 'You have a philosopher's stone, so I think I'll just eat you now. All those souls you have should be very delicious.' Pride licked his lips.

Hanging upside down, Alucard grinned. 'Pride, you are a monster after my own withered, diseased heart. 'But I think you have forgotten who is the prey, and who is the hunter!' And as he spoke, his body fell away.

Alucard's body split into parts, blood spilling from his head as it fell to the floor. Black clouds spread out, opening eyes all around to stare at Pride. From Alucard's body, there came arms of red and black, horrifying reflections of Pride's own.

The arms began to push out, breaking apart first the thick jaw holding Alucard in place, then began to push down the shadows of Pride from every side, crushing them against the wall as Alucard's own spread there. Pride attacked back, cutting the form with every shadow he could muster. But always there was more to come.

Pride was backed into the side of the tunnel, as Alucard's body partially formed around him, his body now naught but a head and torso perturbing from the mass of arms. And as Alucard held Pride against the wall, and completely surrounded Pride with his darkness form, Pride's shadows disappeared.

'No!' Pride cried out. Alucard halted for a moment.

'You know, I have many names, but one was the Darkness that casts a shadow on darkness itself.' He grinned. 'So now your darkness has been blotted out by me.'

Pride struggled to escape in some way, but Alucard held tightly. 'You talked of how strong you were. You said I might be barely able to match you. And now, here you are, little more than a primitive human yourself.'

Alucard grinned. And then he began to tear Pride apart.

 **Daw, Envy and Wrath are on a playdate! I hope they have fun.**

 **I'm going to be busy for the next few months, so don't expect an update on this till about June. Just fyi**


	12. And now for some side characters!

Disclaimer - I do not own Code Geass. Not relevant, but true.

'OK Al, I have a plan!' Ed shouted, ducking a slow blow from Sloth's fist. 'But I'll need a bit of help for it!'

'Is this going to be like your last plan?' Al said, kicking at Sloth, trying to knock him over. He just stood static, not noticing the attack.

'No, it'll be better than that!' Ed created a spear, and hurled it towards Sloth. It bounced off his head, causing him to slowly scratch it. 'Get over here, Al!'

'OK, brother!' Al rolled under Sloth, transmuting the ground as he went. A pillar rose up and smashed Sloth's face, with the pillar breaking before Sloth's face did.

'OK, now what?' Al said.

'Now – let's shake it up!' He transmuted the ground beneath Sloth's feet. It shook, and began move out of the way, literally disappearing and being moved in a cycle up to the roof of the tunnel.

'Right!' Al said, transmuting the ground with him. The Sloth fell, the resulting pit too tall for him to his hands to reach the top.

'Well, that worked.' Ed panted. 'Thanks Al. That wasn't an easy transmutation.'

'No problem, Ed. Should we – ah!' For then Al was knocked over, along with Ed, as the ground shook.

Sloth did not lie still. He smashed and bit and tore into the floor beneath them. The strength of the rock did not matter – he simply tore through it, breaking it down into a sloping ramp.

'You're in the way. You're trying to stop me. So you'll die.' Sloth boomed in a monotone.

Envy ducked as the dead warriors opened fired. Some fell from Pride's attack, but there were still dozen's of fighters, unleashing hails of bullets. Most of them seem to be directed at Envy, only a few falling near Wrath. The two homunculi dived behind a piece of broken rubble.

'You manage to get any, Wrath?' Envy asked.

'There are still two dozen of them.' Wrath said, throwing away a broken sword. 'Envy, you need to turn into your true form. The bullets won't hurt you much.'

'I already tried that when fighting him! He's too fast for that!'

'I've fought these before.' Wrath continued. 'They were slow, and uncoordinated. You should be to more than keep up with them.' He drew a new sword. 'I will hold off any that are too fast.'

'OK, Wrath, but I don't want to be killed today! We've already lost Greed twice now!' Envy concentrated, changing his flesh. His skin turned green, and limbs expanded from his side, striking out from behind the pillar. Envy's monstrous true form emerged, bullets striking into the writhing bodies on Envy's side. Envy roared 'Fancy some of this, punks?' , and brought his teeth down on too of the dead soldiers, swallowing them hole.

The priests leaped out of the way, bounding where they could, as Envy's tail and limbs swung this way and that, crushing them against the walls and floor. As the bodies were torn apart, they broke down, the mass seeming to disappear into smoke.

Wrath cut down a loan warrior, and Envy crushed some of the remaining dead in his arms. Then he screamed! 'What the hell?' Blood ran out of Envy's limbs, with one arm being sliced clean in two. As Wrath looked on, a figure cut with superhuman speed with a blade, slicing off Envy's tail. Without Wrath's ultimate eye, he would have no ability to even see the figure as it moved.

'Envy, change! That form's useless!' Wrath cried. Thankfully, Envy had already acted. He changed back to his old form, and retreated to regain his sword.

'Let me handle this, Envy.' Wrath said, walking forward. 'You must short of souls by now.' Holding a sword in each hand, he slow walked forward. The warrior stood before them – a Xingese woman in a nun's robe, hold one of their countries blades.

'You seem a mighty warrior.' Wrath said. 'It makes me wonder how you were killed.'

The dead soul said nothing. While Wrath could barely remember having multiple souls, he had remembered it being a matter of very soul striving, wanting acting, taking. But this being seemed to have no emotions left at all. It must be different for this Alucard creature.

They stood for a moment, seeming to stretch forever. Then Wrath charged, his blade held straight to spear his target. As soon as he moved, his combatant responded, moving with superhuman speed, catching his blade one way, and in less than a second cutting at Wrath again. Wrath barely managed to protect himself, bringing his second blade up.

The two clashed, blades moving in a mirror dance of battle. Wrath struggled to keep up to this fighter though he saw every attack she made, his aging body had trouble keeping up with the swift movements of her blade. She however, never seemed to have trouble dodging an attack, moving with her body this way and that, ever out of reach of his sword.

'Envy!' he cried. 'Throw me your sword!'

'You serious, Wrath!' Envy shouted.

'Yes.' Wrath replied, ducking under a sweep of his attackers sword.

'Alright, you're mad.' Envy threw it, the blade arcing in the air. As he did, Wrath hurled both his swords at the nun. The nun threw herself back uncoordinatedly, not expecting the attack. As she did, Wrath grabbed Envy's hurled sword. With a swift movement, he chopped at the woman's hand – it was cut off by the razor sharp blade. As it fell, Wrath grabbed the falling blade, hand still attached, and dragged it into her heart.

The woman coughed up blood, and began to bleed away into nothing. Wrath leaned down to whisper to her. 'You can have the skill and strength you wish, but you will never have my wrath.'

 **I'm back! Just as I said I would. I must be psychic.**

 **Also, little known fact - these events aren't happening concurrently. They just stand around awkwardly when the third person's focussing on someone ekse.**


	13. Unlucky for some

Disclaimer - I'm out of bread. It's terrible, just terrible. (Also yadda yadda don't own things)

Alucard grabbed Pride's bleeding neck, holding his broken, slowly repairing body up to side of the tunnel. Pride struggled to break free as he struggled to breath, but his child's body was useless against Alucard's strength. He opened his grinning mouth, and despite his hunger, spat out Pride's blood to the floor.

'You don't have many souls left, do you, Pride?' Alucard said casually, loosening the hold on Pride's neck to let him speak. Pride gasped for air, breathing desperately great mouthfuls. 'I thought you might last a little longer. What a shame.'

Alucard held Pride up high with one arm, his other hand grabbing onto his Jackal, cocking with a shadowed armed from the darkness surrounding them. 'So, why Pride? All the others fit the part well – expect perhaps Greed, though I suppose your creator had some reasoning. But the human seemed to be greater than you.'

'Don't you compare me to some pathetic creature!' Pride spluttered. 'I was the first! The first of the homunculi!'

'Ah, the first born child - their pride and joy, is that it?' Alucard pointed the pistol at Pride's torso. 'That I understand. I am looking forward to meeting your maker. We will have so much to discuss.' Alucard began to pull the trigger. 'Farewell Pride. May a flight of demons scream you to your oblivion.'

And at the moment, a great force smashed into the two of them, throwing them back down tunnel. The bulk of Envy's true form slammed into Alucard, rolling on him and crushing his body to the floor. Light from the tunnel cascaded around Pride, causing shadows to fall around him. As he fell, the darkness erupted around him, under his control, let him hover in the air, standing on his shadows. The last of his wounds recovered, and his old expression returned to his face.

Alucard grabbed Envy's torso, and smashed him against the tunnel wall with supernatural strength. Envy howled, and reared back, crushing Alucard's arm in his teeth. But three more rose out of the darkness, and hurled Envy back down the tunnel, as it shape shifted to Envy's preferred form, landing next to Pride.

As Wrath walked up behind the two of them, Alucard returned to his normal human shape, red coat and glasses on, hands in his pockets. 'So, we're back to where we began? Except you are far more injured than I.' Alucard brought his hands, clapping once. 'Still, I must thank you. The three have been good opponents. Between the three of you, a thousand souls have been destroyed. More over this whole trip. It has been a marvellous time.'

'You're glad?' Envy gaped. 'That we've been weakening you?'

'Of course.' Alucard said. 'My strength is my weakness. My purgatory is this existence – my penance is to slaughter myself. To nought but hunger and pain till my every soul is gone. You are the instruments of my salvation. I hope that brings you some comfort in your destruction.'

Wrath stepped forward. 'Pride, Envy, get to Father. I'll hold him off for a time.' He brought up his blades, ready to fight.

'Oh, and what makes you think I'll let them go?' Alucard asked.

'Because I am here.' Wrath said simply, eyes hardening. 'And did you not say you've been ordered to not slay any humans?'

'Didn't you say you were not human?' Alucard replied, amused. 'You can't have it both ways, you know.'

'True. But you said you consider me human. For your orders, is it not your opinion that counts, rather than mine?' Wrath said.

Alucard gave out a little chuckle. 'Maybe you're right. But that doesn't mean they'll survive!' And as he finish, he whipped out his guns and began to fire.

The bullets whipped through the air. Several slammed into Envy's side, blowing holes in flesh. Several others flew towards Pride, who cut them out of the air with his shadows. The two started to run backwards, towards a tunnel away from Alucard, as Wrath charged, knocking bullets out of the air with sword. He rammed his blade into the Alucard's throat.

Lightly laughing, Alucard ignored the blade cut in his throat. He moved forward, cutting through his neck as he moved passed Wrath. Wrath sliced forward, trying to keep up, but no damage on Alucard's flesh seemed to slow him at all.

Alucard leaped forward, as blood strained onto the floor, towards the running figure of Pride. Shadow's cut all around him, leaving nothing but red tinged shadow and eyes in its place. But this still didn't stop Alucard, who continued to charge. The shapeless form, the only body part remaining a single hand holding the Jackul, crushed through the shadows onto Pride's body. Pride was smashed onto the wall, Alucard's face returned, a smile on his lips as the pistol fell on Pride's chin. 'Goodbye.' And then he pulled the trigger.

Pride's head exploded, with blood falling all around the tunnel. His neck began to glow for a few moments, as some flesh was regrown. But then glow stopped, and Pride's body started to turn to dust. The red stone at his core fell onto the floor, and grumbled into red dust, and blowing into the air.

'Farewell, Pride. Your monstrous form will pollute the world. You will be missed.'

 **Alucard, I get you're on a diet, but not eating for thirty years seems unhealthy. At least eat some cereal in the morning.**


	14. We'll catch up over tea some time

Disclaimer - I do not own Dragonball or Sword Art Online. Wait, something seems wrong.

Alucard turned slowly towards Envy, raising his pistols. 'You're next.' He said, smiling. Envy stood there looking shocked, as if he couldn't believe Pride was dead. Alucard lazily cocked his Jackul, pointing it towards Envy's head. 'Goodbye.' He began to pull the trigger.

As it clicked, Wrath cut at his hand. The round full out, upwards, exploding in the ceiling above Envy's head. Alucard turned to face him, pulling back his hand, dragging down sword further into his flesh, trapping from Wrath. But the Fuhrer just cut forward with a second blade, cutting off his hand. He kicked into Alucard's torso, sending him sprawling onto the floor, and pulled off Alucard's arm from his sword as it turned to smoke.

'Envy, what did I say? Leave!' Wrath said, holding his swords raised ready to fight. Envy didn't move. 'Now!' He shouted, breaking his normal calm domineer. Envy snapped out of his fear induced paralyse, and began to run full pelt down the tunnel, away from the fighting.

Alucard stood up, brushing himself off. 'Well, you are fun.'

'You know, it is interesting.' Wrath said. 'We homunculi are proud of our nature – our strength, how we are greater than any human can hope to be. And you are on another league of us – as above Pride as Pride was above a normal human. Yet you claim such respect for them. That seems a curious paradox. Tell me, why? Some game, perhaps? Or are you aware of something we are not.'

'Neither, actually.' Alucard said. 'I mean the respect I show for your kind. And I do not doubt you know of other humans who have the strength to stand against homunculi despite your greater might. I respect them for that – to stand by their beliefs and their principles despite their so called weakness. They live such short lives, before the pale horseman claims them, and yet they do not let it stop them. It is this strength I respect – those who cannot face this prospect, but choose philosophers stones and their like are worthy of nothing but contempt. Those like me.' Alucard paused for a moment. 'But don't think I notice an attempt to stall for time. Stand aside, human.'

'I'm afraid not.' Wrath said. 'I've already lost one of my family. I cannot lose another on my watch.'

Alucard let out a laugh. It rebounded off the sides of the tunnel, echoing off the brick walls, and as he laughed the darkness extended around them, leaving only the two of them visible to each other in the tunnel. 'Is that your family? My, such affection.' He grinned, baring his teeth.

'Tell you what,' Alucard said, raising his arms open, invitingly, 'I'll give you some time, to let your brother get to safety. In exchange, we will spend that time trying to tear each other asunder. Sound fair, Wrath?'

Wrath paused for a moment. 'Very well then, Alucard.' And in that moment, the two of them darted forward.

Alucard dropped his guns into his hands, but Wrath was as just as fast. The blade's cut into his arm, slicing his hands into bloody pieces. As his hands began to regrow, they would be destroyed again, fingers sliced off to fall upon the bloody ground.

'You think only my gun can kill, do you?' Alucard asked, leaping forward. Despite all logic and anatomy, a foot stretched out of where Alucard's torso would seem to be. The foot kicked towards Wrath's face, who blinked for an instant at the scene, but then ducked. He rolled underneath his body, bringing his sword up into Alucard's chest. He coughed out blood, and landed on the concrete slabs. Wrath stood up and turned drawing a new blade.

With the blade in his ribs, Alucard began to get up, but as he stood up a second blade cut up into his lung. He looked down seeing the sabre poke out of his chest. Wrath lifted him up by the sword, holding him up to the wall of the tunnel with one hand, struggling on the weight. He brought back his sword, stabbed it into Alucard's heart, embedding both of the swords into the wall, leaving Alucard hanging from the wall.

Panting, Wrath drew his final sword, and put it in both hands. As Alucard writhed, slowly pulling the swords out the walls, he brought it back, and sliced off Alucard's head.

Wrath leaned on his sword, letting his arms rest, feeling his age for the first time in a while. He watched carefully as Alucard's body slowly disappeared. He panted a couple of times, and forced one of the swords out the wall. 'You're not dead, are you?'

'No.' Alucard, stepping out the shadows, seeming to be unharmed. 'Good try though. But piercing my heart isn't enough, I'm afraid.' He drew a semiautomatic rifle from the nothingness that all his bodies came from, taken from a decaying hand. Holding it in one hand, Alucard opened fire.

Wrath leaped backwards, dancing on his toes as bullets flew through the air. Some that came near him were cut out of the air with his blades, as Wrath barely kept the bullets away from his torso.

Through the hail of bullets, Alucard leaped through, clattering the gun to the floor. A sword cut into him, but couldn't stop the momentum which smashed the two into wall. Alucard knocked one of the blades out of Wrath's hand, and pinned the other hand to the wall. In his left hand, Alucard drew out the Casull, and held it to Wrath's head. 'This was fun – it brought back many sweet memories. Goodbye, Wrath.'

They both stod there, staring at each other. The few seconds clicked by for what seemed like eternity. 'Why, silly me.' Alucard said. 'Times up. I must be going. Farewell, Wrath.' He dropped Wrath, and slowly walked down the tunnel.

 **Alucard really needs to get a watch. If he hadn't left Ed behind, then he wouldn't be losing track of time. Honestly, silly vampire.**


	15. And now - some side characters!

Disclaimer - Can you really own an idea? Apparently, yes. I don't own the idea of Hellsing or Fullmetal Alchemist though.

Envy panted against the wall, hearing the clashing through the thick walls. 'Damn monster.' He said, catching his breath. He was in shock. Seeing Pride torn apart like that, it would have seemed impossible – till today that is.

Envy studied over his wounds, watching as the last regenerated. He was running low on souls – shape shifting was out the question, he needed to save his philosopher's stone for regeneration. 'I'll just get to Father, and then you'll-'

'You're kind have parents, monster?' said a low voice behind Envy. He turned around, to see a man standing, looking at him with an angry stare. His eyes were the eyes of an Ishvallan. Next to him stood a little girl, holding half a dozen knives between her two hands. Envy grinned.

'So you're here Scar?' Envy replied. 'Well, you certainly aren't one to run away, are you?'

'Give me your philosopher's stone!' the little girl shouted. 'We saw you forming limbs from nothing – so you must have one!'

Envy let out a laugh. 'Oh, that is cute.' He put his hands on his hips. 'Look, any other day I'd be happy to tear you two apart. But I'm a little busy today. The thing we're fighting against smashed through an army of humans like you without a thought, so I you primitive humans don't have a chance. So why don't you go run away and live for a few more days?'

Scar stepped forward. 'You will not have any mercy from me.' He held up his fist, and shouted into the tunnel. 'You'll have to take what mercy God provides!'

Scar leapt forward, tattooed arm outstretched. Envy leapt to the side, as the wall behind him was shattered into a thousand pieces. Smoke filled the small area around them. Envy rolled out from, shaking it off from him, as Scar came at him again. Envy wasn't trying to fight back – just avoid, get a way out to run back to Father.

Scar kicked forward, and Envy stepped back, letting it fall down to the floor. As twitched his foot back, he felt his foot catch something. Envy looked down, and saw his foot was surrounded by 5 daggers in a circle.

'What the-?' Envy looked up. The girl was down on the floor, holding onto a star of similar knives. Light flashed from both circles. Envy jumped up, but Scar took the distraction – grabbing his head and shoving him to floor. As his head was torn apart by Scar's half alchemy, spikes of stone shattered into Envy's leg's, crushing them apart.

'You'll pay for that, human!' Envy half reformed mouth said. To hell with being cautious! Envy's body began to twist and consort, blades and snakes growing from his misshapen limbs. The coils shot towards the girl bringing with it Envy's broken, glowing face, mouth twice as wide by wounds. 'Maybe I'll take a leaf out of Gluttony's book for this one!'

And then Scar crashed into him, tossing him to the floor. 'Oh no you don't!' he cried, bring down his open palm. Envy struggled to get back up, as Scar disintegrated limb after limb, throwing dust and red light into the air.

'I'll tear you apart!' Envy growled! 'I cut you-'

And then he felt his philosopher's stone collapse. He could no longer maintain the rate of destruction. Screaming, Envy's body started to melt, dropping to one side. This true form flopped out the top, rolling down the corridor.

It didn't stop until it reached a boot. The boot was black, and as Envy saw looking up, was worn by a familiar face. 'Am I interrupting something?' Alucard asked.

Sloth punched at Al, sending him flying, knocking his helmet to the roof. Al grabbed at it as he steady himself. Ed leaped round Sloth's side, using Scar's technique on the side of Sloth's body. There was an injury on Sloth's side, but it healed extremely quickly, leaving no inkling of the wound.

'We need to more damage!' Ed cried. 'I can't keep this up forever!' He was wounded, and tired, desperately needed to rest.

'There's no way we can do that! We've given it all we can!' Al replied, putting his helmet back on.

'Well, there is always that one thing!' Ed said, running back to where Al stood, as Sloth slowly turned around, following Ed. 'You know, the one we talked about?'

'But that idea was really, really stupid, brother!' Al responded.

'Yeah, but you got a better one?' Ed asked.

Al paused. 'Fine – but be careful!' And then he pulled off his helmet.

Sloth stomped forward, bringing his fist up. Ed leaped up onto Al's shoulders. As Sloth punched, he dived inside Al's body, dodging the blow, and shoved his limbs into the correct places. Ed was wearing Al as armour.

'Now! I'm going to do it now!' Al shouted. He started to move his arms together, Ed barely able to keep up. The two of them clapped their hands, forming an alchemical circle. Sloth, with the same dull expression, had the filled armour knock into his face, as the combined two alchemical attacks came in. His face was turned into dust and alchemical scrap, taking away his head, shoulders and torso.

'Did we do it?' Ed asked. 'i can barely see anything inside here.'

'That's cause you're too short for this!' Al said, obviously annoyed.

'Shut up Al! Maybe you're just too tall!'

'Come on – oh no..'

Ed popped outside of Al's head, taking the helmet off. Before their eyes, Sloth was turning back to full health. 'I didn't do a thing.' Ed said, dismayed.

'It's in here!' Came a cry from the behind Sloth.

'I see it.' Said a dispassionate voice. And then fire blasted through the tunnel.

Fire came and burned at Sloth again and again. Ed hide in Al's body, feeling the flames like around them, as it came time and time again. After what seemed like an eternity, Al said 'You can get out now, brother.'

Ed peeped out. Sloth's body was slowly turning to dust on the floor, as the remains of fire licked them body. Colonel Mustang was walking through it, ideally looking over the scene, Ling and Hawkeye behind him. 'I'm glad I finally found you two.' He paused. 'What are you doing in your brother, Fullmetal?'

'I said it was stupid.' Al replied.

'Shut up' Ed said, climbing down.

 **Damn, I take a break from writing this, and I forget that Envy was supposed to turn into a giant pigeon to fight Alucard at the end.* Now I need to rewrite the ending. Silly me.**

 ***This is not true. Wrath turns into the giant pigeon.**


	16. Just noticed I used a chapter name twice

Disclaimer - I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing. I sold them for three pencils and a handkerchief.

'Scar,' the little girl whispered. 'I can feel it. He's another one.' The man Scar grimaced, holding up his hands half closed into fists. Alucard looked away from him, picking up Envy's thrashing worm form.

'Well, I should know by now not to trust appearances. Though even for me, this is surprising. You're even more pathetic than me.' And then he crushed him between his fist, and dropped the crushed body on the floor, blood flowing out.

Alucard grimaced for a second, feeling the hunger for blood intensify. It had been so long since he had tasted it. How much longer would he have to deny his hunger? He wiped away the blood, trying to ignore it.

Alucard looked up to look at pair, as he placed his hands in his pockets. 'There's nothing more disappointing than misplaced pride, don't you think?'

The little girl put her hand over mouth, horrified. Scar bared his teeth. 'You monster –'

'That's me.' Alucard said, grinning. Idly, we walked forward, ignoring Scar and simply walking around him.

'You think I'm letting you get away?' Scar said. 'I've seen in the ungodly practises you've been doing! The terrible creations you've made! The only place you'll be going from here is the grave!'

Alucard looked at him for a second. Then he burst out laughing. Scar took in a sudden breath in surprise at the reaction. Alucard wiped his eyes, looking straight into Scar's eyes. 'Humans never cease to amaze me. But I've already been delayed in my task once today to fight a human – I can hardly let it happen again. So I'll just leave you two alone for now. Be seeing you, human.' Alucard turned away again, and went upon his merry way.

Scar growled, filled with rage. 'You think I say such things as lies!' And with that, Scar sprung forward. He caught Alucard's arm, disintegrating the limb into a cloud of black dust. Alucard didn't even move, simply standing there as Scar attacked him again and again. His body was torn apart, as other parts were rebuilt from the black mist billowing from his body. The only constant was Alucard's face, having an expression of amused boredom.

Eventually, Scar was exhausted, breathing heavily as Alucard's body returned to normal. He pulled his arms out of pockets, holding them out wide. 'Are you finished?' Alucard said. Scar grunted, causing a smile on Alucard's face. 'My turn.'

Alucard grabbed Scar's arm, and swung it around in the tunnel. He kicked him hard in the stomach, sending Scar flying through the air. Scar's back cracked onto the wall of the tunnel, snapping one of his ribs.

Alucard bounded forward after him drawing his Casull. He brought it up and fired. As he did, Scar dived down, landing down the floor, rolling forward and rising up again. He tried to catch Alucard's gun, but Alucard threw it into the air so Scar just grabbed his arm, turning it into a red mist. Completely unfazed, Alucard grabbed the Casull with his other hand, and smashed it into the side of Scar's head. He barely managed to catch it in his palm, but the strength of the blow smashed Scar to the tunnel side. With his newly regrown arm, he grabbed Scar up by his neck. Scar continued to fight, bringing up his tattooed arm again to Alucard's flesh, but Alucard simply squeezed tighter on his neck. Scar struggled to breathe as the air was blocked from his lungs, taking slowly away his life.

Suddenly, Alucard saw knives stab into tunnel wall. 'Let go of Scar!' cried a voice from behind Alucard. He turned, and saw the girl squatting over a circle of knives. There was a glow, and a spike grew out of the tunnel into his neck, sending Scar to the floor.

Alucard bit down, shattering rock in his teeth, and pulled himself out of the spike. He pulled the remaining rock out of neck, and straightened himself up. As he did, a few knives flew towards his body. He pulled out his gun, shouting the knives out of the air. He then noticed the glow from the spike again – it extended again, stabbing into his heart.

Alucard grinned as he broke the spike into pieces. 'Well, this is awfully interesting. But I'm afraid there's only so long I can stay here. So here's something to keep you occupied.' And he held his hands in a square, and opened eyes to look through it.

Out of his body, flowed out his hordes. They lined up around the pair of humans, braying with wailing screams. 'Have fun.' Alucard said, walking away and whistling as they slowly advanced.

 **Somehow, this seems familiar. Can't quite place it though.**


	17. Well that escalated quickly

Disclaimer - I do not own Hellsing or Fullmetal Alchemist. Ownership is purely a construct we use to pretend our existance has meaning, and that's only true for Beagle's./p

Alucard walked slowly along the empty halls. Smelling the air, he could feel there was only one of other of his kind remaining – the great concentrated mass of souls he had felt before. He was getting close.

Eventually Alucard arrived at a large chamber, only a little sliver of moon light shinning down to illuminate the pipes and gears of the surrounding walls. With eyes happier with night than day, Alucard saw the pipes wriggle and snake towards a raised chair at the centre of the chamber. Only a single figure sat in the chamber – a middle aged man, wearing a robe like an old pagan priest. He sat by a table, looking at a book. He looked up as Alucard entered.

'Welcome, I see you made it.' He said, closing the book.

'And what a lovely entrance party you had for me.' Alucard replied, wandering in. 'So, you must be the one they called Father.'

The man paused for a second. 'That's correct. I see not all my children can be trusted for secrecy. I assume they are all dead?'

'Wrath still lives' Alucard said casually. 'I think it a kindness. A father should never have to outlive their children.'

'So you do mean to kill me. Still, I must ask why? I wonder how you came to be. Some game of van Homenhiem's, perhaps?' Father asked.

'Forgive me for getting a little bored with this kind of conversation.' Alucard said. 'For decades now, wherever my black veil goes, I am an unpredictable menace, one my foes could not account for. They always seek knowledge of my nature, to gain some way to match me, to find salvation. There is none. The only possible fate is their death.' Alucard pulled out his Jackul and fired it.

Father didn't move. A glow of red scattered around the bullet, swiftly evaporating into a gas. Alucard stared at his gun, looking down the barrel. A few moments later he brought the gun down again, an amused expression on his face. 'And there I thought you'd be set my gun off. It's nice to know you have some limits.' He drew his second pistol, his sharp teeth glinting on the moon light as he grinned wide.

'Why use such primitive human weapons, I wonder?' Father asked. 'You are one such as me – a being if the other side of the gate – and as such, they are nought but ants beneath you. The power of your essence will easily eclipse those weapons. So why use them?'

'But what are we creatures, without our stolen power? Nothing but shadows on the wall.' Alucard replied. 'I know of others monsters like us – each unique, each the same in their need for human lives. Only by them do we have strength. Only by them do we have meaning. Truly they are destined to rid themselves of us miserable wretches who pollute their kingdoms, and make the monsters forever cower under beds as the cowards we are.'

'But there's an obvious test for this. I'll just destroy every soul in your 'philosopher's stone', and leave you a husk of your former self so I can watch you squirm as you try pathetically to stay alive.' Alucard raised his guns and began firing.

With the same stoic expression, Father watched the bullets fly towards him. Some boiled in the air, some were blocked by spiralling pipes reaching out from the walls. Some hit his body, giving no damage that was not removed by a flash of red glow. A pillar of stone rose out beside Father, turning into a minigun. Father pulled back a lever on it, and a hurricane shrapnel was launched at Alucard. Holes punched into his form.

'You won't be able to put me down with that!' Alucard laughed, as he healed the wounds as fast as they formed.

'Neither will you with your weapon.' Father replied. His voice was unchanged, and barely audible of the raw of weaponry.

'You are right, I fear.' Alucard said, reloading his weapons. 'Then let us end this charade!' Alucard cried. 'Reveal to me your true form, and I shall reveal mine!'

Father let the smallest amount of a smile fall on his face. 'So be it.'

Father started concert. His body stopped to fall, as if it had no skeleton to support it. Out of his mouth came a black spike, made of the substance of the other side of the gate. Others ripped out of the body, and started to consume it. A great body started to form as the old one died – a body of mouths and eyes between the darkness.

Alucard let out a half shriek, half laugh. 'It's like a mirror.' And then he growled. 'But so disappointing!' And he opened more eyes.

Black clouds flowed from his body, fletched with red. Eyes opened, all sizes, starring from the walls of the chamber and divisions that did not exist, throwing out the forces of logic and reason and leaving only the certainties of the monstrous. Arms grew, grasping at life to crush and claim as their own. In the centre, lay the head of Alucard, ever twisting with form as a whole.

'Time to die!' Alucard screamed, reaching out with his many limbs and teeth, to tear Father from limb to limb.

But Father only smiled. 'It is time.' And he opened the book, and pressed his hand to the page.

Red light engulfed out from book, surrounding the whole chamber. The light span in a circle, surrounding Alucard, but leaving Father just outside. He tried to move, but the light blocked him – his shadows halted by the laws of this universe, bending Alucard to their will.

'What is happening?' Alucard cried, feeling fear for the first time in decades. 'What are you doing to me?'

'Reaping a harvest.' Father replied simply. And his many mouths smiled. 'Thank you for coming here to render your services.'

Alucard struggled, as his essence seemed to slip away from him.

 **Father was misinformed. He believed Alucard was a walking agricultural college.**


	18. I see what the Fuhrer did there

Disclaimer - I'm holding your dog hostage. Send me the ownership of Fullmetal Alchemist and Hellsing to see them again.

'So you managed to lose Alucard.' Colonel Mustang. 'Well that's just wonderful, Fullmetal.'

'Give me a break.' Ed replied. 'He left us there with that giant hulk while he went to go attack Envy. We didn't really have much of a chance to go after him with Sloth bearing down on us!'

'Making excuses again, Fullmetal?' Mustang replied, smirking. 'I expected better of you.'

'So what now?' said Al.

There was a pause. Everyone looked along the empty tunnel. Despite the battle, there was little blood upon the stonework. The tunnels were battered however – bullet holes and broken brickwork scattered across the underground passages. To Colonel Mustangs eye's, it was the strangest kind of battlefield he'd ever see.

'Ling, you can still sense them?' he asked, looking around at them.

Ling nodded. 'That way. It feels like they're both at one place now. It's quite overwhelming.'

'Then let's carry on, shall we?' Mustang said. 'Al, you go first. Lieutenant Hawkeye, take point behind him. Use him as cover.'

'Stop treating me like wall!' Al shouted.

'Al, I'll take point in front of you.' Hawkeye said. Roy nodded.

'And Fullmetal, stay behind me. I don't want you getting behind me.' Ed looked like he was about to burst with anger, but he decided to ignore the pipsqueak. 'Let's go.'

The five of them walked slowly through the empty tunnels. They walked in silence, allowing their footfalls to clatter and echo throughout the underworld. Eventually, Ling said 'Can you hear that?' he said, leaning down to the floor.

Roy listened. There was sparking sound, coming from through the wall. 'That's an alchemical transmutation,' he said.

'But it's loud enough to hear through the wall!' Al said. 'It must be an incredibly powerful transmutation!'

'What could be going on in there?' Ed said, cupping his ear to the wall. 'Even using a philosophers stone shouldn't give off this kind of feedback!'

'Perhaps you should go in and see.' Came a voice from out of the darkness.

From the shadows, came Fuhrer King Bradley. As walked, he leaned against the wall with one hand to help him along, the other hand on a sword. He looked a mess. Blood was scattered across his face and shirt, and his leg was noticeably limping. It was so shocking to see the Fuhrer in pain and without his normal calm demeanour, his face panting and rolled into a furious scowl, that it took Roy a moment to realise the Fuhrer didn't have his eye patch on – just showing his ouroboros marked eye.

'The Fuhrer!' Riza brought her gun up to point at him.

'You're still alive!' Ed cried. 'But we saw you attack Alucard! You survived him?'

'That I did.' Bradley said, standing up straight, speaking in his normal calm voice. 'Now, I can see you are all ready for a fight. But you should know that there is no need or use to come to blows right now. Given what's occurring in there, I have more important things to consider than your little group. I won't pretend that I need all my strength to hope to stand against the creature Alucard. So why don't we all enter that chamber all together, with no intention of slaying one another? I admit, in my current state I doubt I could survive a confrontation with all of you at once. But ask yourselves this – are you certain that I would not be able to kill at least one of you? And are you willing to let one of your own die to put me down?' As he said this, he looked into Roy's eyes.

It was silent for a few moments. Then Roy said 'Riza, put your gun down. We'll not fight you, Fuhrer.'

'I am very glad to hear that.' Bradley replied. 'The entrance is this way.' He gestured down the hall, and began to walk on, hiding his limb so he looked like he was having a pleasant stroll without a care in the world.

They made their way down the hall in pensive silence. The noise slowly built up, a great humming and sparking as they approached the doors to the centre of the tunnels.

'I hope you appreciated this.' Fuhrer King Bradley said, as he opened the doors. 'You're about to learn some Truth.'

The scene in the room was suddenly revealed to be pandemonium. Red light gushed around the room, sparking and humming in a crescendo. But the light was swallowed by darkness – blackness coming from every corner even as the light lit it up. Roy watch with a mixture of fascination and horror.

In the centre, a two beings stood. Both were similar – both dark figures, with eyes and mouths stitched over their bodies, with only the vaguest of human shapes. But one stood still, content and triumphant. The other, with the face of Alucard, writhed and struggled, trying to break free from the circle around them. And with every passing second they grew a little less.

'You see,' spoke the one whom Roy hadn't seen before, 'when I sensed your form enter this world, I understood you were an untapped resource. A way to break a little deadlock I have had.'

Alucard looked up from his furious flailing. 'A deadlock? Explain, vampire!'

'My twin, known as von Hohenheim, was given my strength when I gained mine. A fair trade – a division of souls equally, so I could walk amongst the world freely. But it meant I had to work quietly in my goals – carefully, slowly, never too overt in my true intensions. For if I had used my power to its full directly, von Honenhiem would have tried to stop me. Not a risk I wanted to take.'

'But the power of a million souls – that was a power that could not be matched in this world. With it, I can create a hundred sacrifices by force, create an immortal army a thousand strong, ensure my plans cannot fail. With your strength at my side, I will ascend to godhood.'

'You see me as just some pawn, just some meal?' Alucard cried. 'The irony is not lost on me, but not enough for me not to rip off your head!'

'If you wish, consider you death a price to pay for the deaths of my children. It was an excellent bargain for me. Goodbye, Alucard.' And with that, Alucard disappeared from this world.

 **They underestimated the Fuhrer. I guess there's more to him than meets the eye.**

 **Eye.**

 **Eye.**

 **More than meets the EYE.**

 **It's a pun.**


	19. Ha, that last title was also a pun

Disclaimer - Last time on Dragonball Z! - Gohan finally unlocked Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan by putting on some blue hair dye. Elsewhere, a random individual on the internet said they didn't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing.

Alucard feel through darkness, his body twisting as information flew through his mind. Events, possibilities, facts and figures, meaningless ponderings and utter falsehoods, spread throughout his mind to till it was ready to burst. He opened his mouth to scream –

And then he reappeared, standing in a white empty space. He looked down at his body – he was in his old form – the form he had before he had cast off his mortal coil, five centuries ago. Looking up again, he saw a figure next to him, his height and build – yet just a black haze to give an outline to their shape.

'Well, you're an unusual one. I don't rem ember you.' The figure said.

'And who might you be?' Alucard asked.

'Me? I am called by many names. I am the world, or perhaps the universe, or perhaps God. I am Truth. I am all, and I am one. And yet, I don't think I am you.'

'God, is that right?' Alucard replied. Then he shot him.

The bullet hit Truth's form and flew past it. Impossibly far away, the bullet landed onto the empty floor. Truth just grinned. 'Not going to work on me.'

'Such a pity. It would be nice to get some vengeance on you.'

'Me? What have I done to you?' Truth asked. 'Wait a minute – I recognise you! You made a deal with another me!'

Alucard paused. 'Another you? What do you mean?'

'You've seen the others, haven't you? You've been to the other worlds, seen how they each have their own laws, their own nature? There is only one universal truth – power comes with a price.'

'Why?' asked Alucard.

'Because that's how the world works. There doesn't have a reason other than that.' Truth replied, grinning their terrible grin.

Alucard looked around. Behind him a giant door way – pure black, made of some impossibly smooth material showing no detail on its great solid surface. 'What is this place?' Alucard asked.

'You don't remember? Well, guess with that little parasite in you, you're not really controlling of what you do, do you?' Truth replied. 'We're through the Gate – on the edge of the universe, the spiritual centre of all beings. The source of all alchemical strength in this world. That's why you're here – the circle placed you here as it drew the souls from your flesh. Eventually it'll drain your last soul from here, and turn you into a Philosopher's Stone.'

Alucard's mouth twitched. 'I spent thirty years slaughtering my way through worlds and warriors, casting off millions of souls to destroy monsters. I didn't starve myself for decades to let some second rate vampire devour me!' Alucard roared.

'Well that's too bad. You're here now – you're opinion doesn't make a difference.'

'That door,' Alucard said, putting his hand against it, 'where does it lead? Back to your world?'

'That's right.'

'Well, then I'll just have to break my way out through this door!' Alucard clicked his wrists, clenching his fists as he did so.

'That's not really how it works, you know!' Truth said. 'You're physical strength can't open a world between realities!'

'Can't it?' Alucard said. 'Power at a price. I'll burn my souls to break my way back into the world.'

'You are an interesting one.' Truth said. 'Best of luck with that.' And then Truth sat there, looking on unmoving.

Alucard grasped the middle of the gate, and pulled. The gate was heavy – it seemed like it drew matter into it as he pulled, gaining weight as he pulled. He pushed harder and harder, and slowly, ever so slowly, the door began to crack open. The bones began to break apart in Alucard's flesh, as he felt souls slip away as he continued to apply pressure onto the door. His form barely started to exist as he desperately tried to break the door apart. The pain spread throughout his body. He opened his mouth to scream –

And then the door opened. Out of the black void, came the hands of the darkness. They grabbed at Alucard, pulling him into the void. But as they did so, his arm was broken off and crushed into nothingness. Twisting round, Alucard saw Truth's body had acquired his arm. 'What?' He let out, s he was sucked in.

'My price for the passage. An additional fee. Don't worry, you can get another. Be seeing you, Alucard.' And with that, Alucard disappeared again as the doors thudded close.

 **If you're looking for a cheaper alchemical experience, try the Gate of Lies. It only costs a toenail and a random ear bone to open. The downside is that you have to form alchemical circles by licking your elbow.**


	20. Guess who's back? (Back again)

**Disclaimer - I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Hellsing is kindda complicated though. It's currently held in a tontine between me and three other people I will up date once we've finished our firefight.**

Alucard re-emerged, and he did so, the world exploded. He heard a scream, as he pushed his way out of a body, tearing it into black pieces as his own body became real. He left out a howling laugh, glorifying in the destruction he caused. As Father's body was a crushed into pieces, he looked happily over his form. 'I'm back,' he said simply.

As Father's body reformed in front of him, Alucard turned to the humans. 'I'd leave if I were you – monsters only.'

'You don't have to tell me twice!' Ling said, breaking into a run. The other humans looked at each other, and then followed him in quick fashion.

'Wonderful.' Alucard turned to Father only to feel a sword in his back. 'Oh, not you,' he said, with a bored voice. He turned to see Wrath, idly crushing his sword into pieces as he did. 'Play dead.' He knocked Wrath to the side of the room, with enough force to break a few of his unbroken bones. Wrath struggled to get up, but could only manage to cough up blood.

'Now then.' Alucard said to the reforming Father. 'I can tell that can't have been a pleasant experience for you. It wasn't for me. So then, how much did it cost you – trying to crush me through that gate? How many souls remain?'

Father's body reformed, the last of the red light disappearing. 'I can hardly believe that you've not been affected either. It must have taken no small sacrifice to undo the effects of that transmutation.'

Alucard ignored him, sniffing the air. 'You've clearly been hurt -your strength is far less than it one was. One hundred thousand souls, or perhaps half of that? Quite a decrease in strength. Will you be able to last against me for.'

'And your strength?' Father asked. 'You can hardly be unscathed from this. How many souls do you have left? Tell me!'

Alucard grinned, leaning back into his skin, seemingly without a care in the world. He was silent for a moment, that seemed to last for ever. Eventually, Alucard said 'Five hundred and eighty six souls.' No worry crossed his face.

Father smirked - it was the most emotion Alucard had seen. 'Mathematics is in my favour. My resources are greater than yours by a hundredfold.'

'But there's a few things you have to remember.' Alucard replied. 'Survival is not my primary concern.' And then his grin became a snarl. 'And you actually put me at risk. I have no more reason to hold back.'

And the human form of Alucard was gone. In its place, a dark cloud emerged, brandishing guns of every shape and size, from pistols to artillery pieces. A tank shell was launched from below Alucard's head, towards Father's body. With a flash of red light, Father's alchemy blocked it, causing it explode in midair. But that wasn't enough to stop the other bullets that rippled from Alucard's form. The red sparking around Father caused them to stop in front of him, hovering in the air a moment before falling to the floor.

Father pulled out his own weapon, opening fire with a machine gun from his own body. Alucard effortlessly dodged the fire - becoming a human shape for a moment, seemingly in taunt, before moving as shadow around the chamber, unleashing a new volley as he did so. 'You don't stand a chance.' Alucard gloated. 'Never have I been a position in which I have to use my real strength, nor fight with skill- huuurgh!'

Alucard was hit by a wall of spikes, created by Father's alchemy. Distracted, Father opened up on him with machine gun fire, cutting into him and pushing him further onto the spikes. Alucard felt valuable souls slip away. With all his strength, he began to rip off the spikes from his body.

Father used this moment to pull out a bag. He opened it, revealing a handful of philosophers stones. Most were tiny gems, but one was large,round and almost liquid. Father took the latter into his other palm. 'Wrath,' he called. 'I need your assistance in this battle. Take this philosopher's stone.' He hurled it over to Wrath's body, which picked up at the sound of his name, 'With your wrathful soul, it will not last long - but perhaps long enough to assist here.'

Wrath's only response was to nod, once, and pull himself up towards the stone.

'NO, don't!' Alucard cried out. 'Do you know what that will do to you?' he struggled to free himself from the last of the spikes. 'I've seen this before - you want to, have to, need to defeat me - makes any sacrifice worth it. But it won't be. It never is.'

Memories of thirty years ago clouded Alucard's mind. He felt tears of blood start to fall on his face. 'Please, human. Don't do it. It won't work. It never works.'

Wrath looked up, straight into Alucard's eyes. 'I think you may be confused. My actions are not affected by your opinions in the slightest.' And then he grasped the philosophers stone.

The red stone squeezed into Wrath's skin. His whole body started to shake with red light, tearing his body apart even as it repaired the damage to his body. Wrath let out a short scream, and then, even as his body shook with the unbridled force of the trapped souls, he made his way to his feet.

'You fool!' Alucard shouted! 'That's stone is destroying you!' Wrath replied with a sound, but it was drowned out by the destruction in his body, as his vocal cords were torn apart as he spoke. Bringing his sword high into the air, he charged at Alucard.

The two clashed in the air, Wrath's sword smashed into Alucard's pistol. Alucard opened fire with his Casull, but with the raging force of the stone within him, Wrath could not be stopped, acting as if the blows hadn't happened. He piled into Alucard, plunging the sword into where his heart should be. Alucard was smashed back, crushed onto the wall and pinned their, untill the wall behind him smashed in half with the blow. He let out a shout of shock. With the energy of the stone, Wrath had a strength far beyond any human could muster.

Wrath came forward still, screaming as his face was ripped apart by his own stone. With wild, lumbering swings, he grasped at Alucard, and put his hands around his neck. And with a final blood-curdling, Wrath began to crush his throat.

Alucard gasped for air, his hands reaching to try and grab through to the shimmering mass in front of him. There were so few souls to lose, but they were slipping away. 'Not like this!' he cried, with anguish on his voice - the first in thirty years.

And then he fired. A cannon struck Wrath, smashing him backwards. 'I'm done playing games!' Alucard shouted, and darted forward. Wrath lunged back, trying to him, but every blow was dodged with the speed of a falling hawk. In response, bullets and rounds of very form and make fell from into him into the red glowing being in front of him. Wrath was slowed, then stopped, held back by the weight of fire.

Underneath the cloud of lead, Alucard leaped forward. A hand smashed into Wrath's face, breaking it for a moment, but a moment enough. With the strength of a true vampire, Alucard ripped out Wrath's philosophers stone.

Wrath's body stopped glowing. It then stopped existing, as Alucard opened fire. The body turned to ash under the fire of remaining members of the Last Battalion. From the philosophers stone, more flesh began to grow. 'You're done, monster.' Alucard said. He crushed the philosophers stone in between his teeth. 'You disappointed me.'

 **OK, so I don't know if you noticed, but Alucard spelled backwards is Dracula! Do you think he might be Dracula?**

 **Even more amazing - Wrath spelled backwards is Tharw! What a revelation!**


	21. It took long enough

Disclaimer - I lost the fire fight. I'm now a ghost, and I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Hellsing. This was not good day.

Alucard walked back into the central chamber. He struggled to maintain his composure now - Wrath's attack had taken out far too many of his precious remaining souls. Still, he prepared himself, cocking his Jackal in his teeth.

'So you've finally run out of familiars to throw at me.' Alucard said, drawing up his gun to fire. ' No one to put i between you and me.'

Father looked rather unabashed. 'They are of no consequence. The time they gave me to prepare was all that they mattered for in this battle.'

Alucard grinned. 'Oh, that is rich.' He leaped to the side, propelled by a hail of shrapnel. 'They were the parts of you that could fight!' Moving faster than any human could hope to see, he darted across the chamber to dodge Father's transmutations, only to return with a tank volley. 'They may have been monsters, but they were monsters to respect! They fought against me in my terrible prime, in the midst of the dark night, and none of them tried to run or hide from me!' Alucard deflect a round he saw coming, sending towards a wall which it smashed through. 'But you have not moved, not fought till the last second, done nought but flee and cower behind your family. Someone who does as such is nothing for me to fear.'

'Enough.' Father raised his palm. The air began to crack, as gases in the air moved and changed around him. With a final red spark, fire exploded out from Father's hand, billowing around him. The inferno caught Alucard, cutting into his flesh. He muttered under his breath 'One hundred and six - five!' His body fell away, becoming nothing more than a mass of black mist. It billowed in the air, and rushed forward. His mist gained mass only as he reached Father, smashing into him. His forming fist crashed against a shield of transmuted air, making a counter force - however, this did not stop the next five fists, which smashed in Father from every direction. Father was knocked back, body sprawled onto the cold dark floor.

'You know, there was something I hadn't realised till now.' Alucard said. 'When that alchemist referred to the philosophers stone, he didn't mean anything figurative, a spell or enchantment used to bind these souls. He meant an actual stone.' As Father started to get up, Alucard kicked him in his shins, rolling him over the floor.

'The implication was clear, when I saw Wrath use one. In this world, one the side of this gate, souls are bound as mass. To destroy said mass, to render it immaterial, destroys the stored souls - destroys the power you have.' He leaned over, grinning teeth brighter than the moon. 'So where's yours? You're not going to make me pry it out of you, are you?'

Father suddenly gave a look of panic. 'You won't find it! I'll -' but Alucard interrupted him, with a point blank pistol shot to the head.

'I won't find it? Even with my third eye? That sounds like a challenge.' Alucard breathed in, and opened it fully. He saw the pulsating mass of dead souls, crushed and cramped together, buried within Father's black neck. 'Got it. Now die!'

'No! This can't be happening! I won't let it happen! I'll destroy you first!' Father cried. Alucard lunged forward, and began to struggle to rip apart Father's body. As he did so, the air around him sparked, turning the chamber to day. His body was ripped apart like Wrath's before him, every molecule changing and decomposing as he made more of his form. As he pulled, Alucard counted down under his breath. 'Thirty three, thirty two - I'm coming for you, Schrödinger!'

Fire and smoke erupted around Alucard. Spikes rose up from the floor, crushing through limbs and cutting through his million eyes. Weaponry appeared around him, turning their aim upon him. His own returned fire, pitifully reduced, blocking barely a single weapon from attacking. Yet still Alucard pulled, struggled - compared with the gates of truth itself, how could he fail upon this foul creature. So as he and Father screamed, each mirroring the cries of the others, Alucard pulled upon the form with every piece of strength he had, until he saw it finally with his normal eyes- a red stone, the size of a heart.

'Got it!' He shouted, as he grabbed it between his teeth, wrenching it out of Father's neck. As Father's form started to fall apart, silent for a moment out of shock, then out of injury, Alucard hurled it into the air. Matter began to reform, but as it did two bullets shattered against. It did not break, but a crack appeared. As it fell, Alucard grabbed it. 'Die, monster.' he said simply. Then he smashed it in his fist.

Exhausted, Alucard fell to the floor, feeling as broken as the shards of red stone turning to dust around him. Feeling his long centuries on his back, he lay on the floor among the carnage. He started to count his souls, keeping the habit. It didn't take long.

'Two?' he wondered allowed. 'One is Schrödinger's, and the other is -' he grinned as he realised. 'Mine. Well I can deal with this.' He pulled up his broken body, towards a broken pillar, with a sharp piece of metal coming out of it. He looked up - he saw dawn beginning to break from outside the shattered walls. So fitting. 'It's been a long time coming Schrödinger. Die.' And with that, he slammed the spike into his heart, and left the world.

 **You could say he got stoned!**

 **Or wait, like, anti stoned? Cause he removed it?**

 **Basically Alucard doesn't think it's cool do to drugs.**


	22. And finally

Disclaimer - i do not own Fullmetal Alchemist of Hellsing.

They listened outside. Huddled outside the room, Ed listened to the crash and booms of fighting, the cracking of firearms, the crackling of alchemy, and the thuds of impacts upon the wall. Eventually, the noises slowly died, giving way to silence in the chamber.

For the longest time, no one spoke. Eventually Al said 'Is it over? What's happened?'

Riza poked her head carefully around the wall looking into the chamber. 'I can't see anything.' she whispered, keeping her body low. 'It looks like both of them have disappeared.'

'Well, let's go look!' Ed said, going into the open. He went into the room, sunlight beginning to trickle in from far above.

The chamber was broken. Blood was spilled on very surface, that or smoke. Broken pipes and walls were all around, to the point Ed was amazed that the walls hadn't completely collapsed from the weight above. However, Hawkeye was right - there was no sign of either Alucard or the other being were present. All there was was a deep pool of blood, and a small black crater.

'What the - look!' Ed heard Al said. He ran over with others, as he said. 'The Fuhrer!'

It was. His body was riddled with bullets, a couple of limbs blow off, jawbone exposed, but definitely the Fuhrer's dead corpse. His broken swords lay next to him, leaning against the bloody wall.

'Whoa, and there was me thinking he was smart enough to run away too. Guess I was wrong.' Ling remarked.

Roy put his hand on his chin. 'Let's have a check around, then head up. There's going to be a lot going on when I get back - best I know everything I can. Fullmetal, go look for things.'

Ed scowled at him for second. 'Come on, Al.' The two of them headed out back towards the bloody crater, and started investigating around. Ed let Al touch the blood.

After a few minutes, Al tapped on Ed's shoulder. 'Brother, look at this!'

Ed turned over to him. 'What is it, Al?'

'This!' Al held open his hand. In it, lay three red sparkling stones. Each was the size of knuckle bone.

'Where were they?' Ed asked.

'Underneath the blood.' Al said. 'What shall we do with them?'

Ed looked at them. He thought about them, what they were. All the souls, trapped within. But the he thought of what Alucard had been, what they had with him. One million? After that, what did a few more matter?

'Come on Al,' he said, taking one of the stones, 'Let's go get our bodies back.'

'It's changed.' Alucard remarked. He and Seras looked over the rebuilt city of London. They stood on a rooftop, as the traffic of Westminster moved underneath them.

'You have been gone thirty years, master.' Seras replied. 'A lot has happened in that time. They only moved the government back from Birmingham a couple of years ago.'

Alucard nodded, but said nothing. He just stood where he was, listening to the sounds of the night. He felt the blood in his belly, his hunger finally sated after all this time.

'So,' Seras started to say, 'what was those thirty years like? Anything interesting happen?'

Alucard thought about it. He thought about the battles he had thought, the beings he had killed, the number of times he had died. He cast his fourth eye across to the wide expanse, to the worlds beyond he had visited - to the smiling beings that guarded and watched over every world.

'No,' he said. He watched over the city of the living, without the weight of souls upon his back.

 **Well, this is the last chapter. Thanks for reading. Cheerio.**


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